I don't quite remember when I fell in love with tea but I do remember the most special moments of me drinking tea. I was eighteen years old and I went to live with my biological mother for four months. I had just met her months earlier and it was awkward for both of us. She and her ex-husband lived a very quiet life in Boulder, Colorado. He was a professor at one of the universities and she was a housewife. After years of drug addiction and being in and out of jail, she deserved the break. I was homeless so she and her husband agreed to let me come live with them. Each evening my mother and I would find a spot in the living room with a cup of tea and a book.

Now, years later, I'm a self proclaimed tea expert. I start each day with a wonderful English Breakfast tea to get me going. As the day progresses, who knows what wonderful tea I will crown queen. But for sure, I have at least three cups of tea a day. And yes, when I can, I have tea everyday at about 3:00 P. M. I love to invite my friends over for tea and cupcakes and so far everyone thinks it’s a delightful experience. I am always in search of the best blend of tea. Yes, I’m a tea snob, I prefer loose tea but I do like some bags also. I have learned not to judge a book by it’s cover. Some bags can be quite nice. And yes again, any Diva knows, what you drink your tea out of is very important.

Tea for me is a way of life. It's wellness for the mind body and spirit. Here, I will explore every expect of tea possible, with a high concentration on wellness. I will review the best teas, the best places to have tea, the best ways to brew tea, the best tea accessories, what tea goes best with what foods, and the list goes on and on. I plan to share my passion for tea with you. And I've been told, nothing I do is ever boring so be prepared to go on this tea journey with me.

RLT Collection Tea Ball Frosted Clear Beads!

Mint Medley by The Persimmon Tree Tea Company

About This Tea:

Until recently I had never drank Peppermint Tea made with loose leaves. And Honestly, I will probably never go back. The freshness of loose Peppermint Tea cannot be denied. When I open the can of Mint Medley, From The Persimmon Tree Tea Company, I feel as if I stepped into a garden of peppermint leaves. It is a perfect blend of organic peppermint and spearmint leaves grown in the US.

Mint Medley has become a favorite and I find myself reaching for this tea tin almost everyday. It is great for on-going nausea. The health benefits and endless. It relieves muscle aches, headaches, migraines, stress. And now that it feels like someone is sitting on my chest and I have a mean cough, I'm sure it will help to relieve some of this congestion in my chest. Mint Medley has been in my tea cup more than any tea as of late. It has really helped with my winter cough, congestion related to this bout of pneumonia. You can read my full review on The Persimmon Tree Tea Company Mint Teas.

RLT Collection AIDS Awareness Tea Ball!

Welcome to my world of books! As an pre-teen books changed my world. I fell in love with the writers of the Harlem Renaissance period and the more I read the more I wanted to read. The fiction of this period was powerful and empowering all at the same time. It spoke to my own degradation and gave me hope for a better tomorrow. It gave me purpose for my own life and the courage to fight the good fight and never surrender.

I love to read! Inside a book I escape into someone else's life. There is something wonderful about turning to the next page of a wonderful story. Something intoxicating about the smell of the book and the story it brings to life. Reading brings me joy, and these days with my health in the balance, I find solace in my books.

I spent hours in my bedroom sequestered with the door closed reading the classics from the Harlem Renaissance, Hughes, Larsen, Hurston, Wright and Baldwin. Books became my escape and my salvation. The fiction of this period was powerful and empowering all at the same time. It gave me purpose for my own life and the courage to fight the good fight and never surrender.

Reading is the one thing that the pain of my life could never take away from me. It was the thing that helped to make it better. And even today, living with AIDS, books continue to be the safest place for me. It’s the one thing that belongs to me that AIDS cannot take away from me.The RLTReads book club will be books that I choose. It’s me sharing a part of me with you that has nothing to do with AIDS. It’s actually in spite of AIDS.

The RLTReads book club will be books that I choose. It’s me sharing a part of me with you that has nothing to do with AIDS. It’s actually in spite of AIDS. I have read hundreds of books from many different genres and I will pick the best of my reads over the years. I warn you, it will not be exclusively white or black, male or female, fiction or non fiction, it will be all of them.

I’m so excited and I’m grateful to everyone who wants to be a part of this venture. We already have 110 Book Club Members. You can email me @ RLTReads@raelewisthornton.com. The Twitter hashtag is #RLTReads. We can make this book club as wonderful as we want to make it. Who says that Oprah has to have the only ownership to a wonderful book club?

This Month We are Reading In My Fathers House by E Lynn Harris

Read along and join our discussion July 19th at 7 pm CST

For more Tea with Rae "Vlogs" Click here to visit her youtube channel

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

I'm On Vacation!!!!

My Island Look!!
I'm On Vacation!!!!  I'm in Turks and Caicos with my two best friends Markeeda and Luke and of course my baby girl Sophie... They are treating me for my 50th Birthday!!

Our Path from our villa to the Ocean...

Our Villa!

The view from my bedroom

My bottom line.....I am soooooo enjoying myself..... This is a much needed rest.... And Markeeda and Luke are limiting my computer time...   That means tweeting, Facebook and the blog.... LOL... They are making sure that I rest..... Rest and Renewal!!!!

Sophie and Uncle Luke!

Post Script: Don't forget that my book The Politics of Respectability is on Amazon Kindle! YEY!!!! and the paperback should be available in about 10 days!

Saturday, May 26, 2012

What KInd of Woman Am I? I

People keep asking me, "What kind of woman am I? Am I RESPECTABLE enough? Am I CHRISTIAN enough? Why do I tell every freaking thing?   Why do I cuss? I answer them ALL in my new book, "The Politics of Respectability." The book was released today on Amazon Kindle and it will be available on Amazon paperback in just 10 days.

I haven't really talked publicly about Delta Sigma Theta Sorority rescinding my membership  as an Honorary member since the youTube video, in this book I break my silence! I TELL IT ALL... I try to unpack my life in such a way that people will understand my tweets that day. Understand that my very being has been crafted out of my experiences from the day I was conceived in my mama's womb.

Enough said... I will let my book  do my talking... But make NO mistakes I stand by my Tweets!!  To do otherwise would make me a coward and that I am NOT! I say what I mean and mean what I say. I will NEVER lose me to gain anyone or anything. My buck stops with the Lord Jesus Christ. Other than that, I have to face me each morning. I will not let someone define for or what type of woman I should be; and I don't apologize for me not one bit.
The Amazon Kindle is available NOW... Shop HERE! The paperback will be ready on Amazon in 10 days!  Thank you for your support... #IcannotdoitAlone

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

It's My Birthday

Today is my Birthday!!!!  I'm going to let my video speak for themselves... It's been a  good day so far...

Birthday Video One!

Birthday Video Two!

Birthday Video Three!!

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Keep Living ANd Watch God Blow Your Mind! Day 3! Count Down!

Just Keep on living and let God blow your mind! I don't care what comes your way, God's plan is ALWAYS bigger than man's plan. You may not be able to see it when you are in the valley, but just keep on living! I'm sorry I haven't been blogging as much, but Lawd this book and IV medication has taken everything... Love ya!!

Day 3 Video!

Day 4 Video!

Post Script: One concrete way to support me is to buy a fabulous bracelet from my collection #RLTCollection

The new Diva AIDS Awareness Bracelet celebrates my life and work!! Shop Here!

Also My other bracelet collections are just as fab! Shop Here http://www.rltcollection.com

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

I RANT!! Day 7! Count Down To 50!

I've been MIA because I'm trying to get my book published by my Birthday. It's taking all of my energy. Then yesterday I got side-tracked by some comments on my blog. So I'm addressing them today. I'm over.it... I say it all in the video... Yes I RANT! Yes it's 15 minutes... But I needed to say what i needed to say!! Hope your day is great! I'm pressin my way!

I'm still on IV medication. My hope is to be off on Sunday. Please say a prayer. #IcannotdoitAlone

Today's Video!! Day 7th! Count Down To 50!

Monday, May 14, 2012

Coming Soon! The Politics of Respectability!!!

Coming Soon! My Second Book, "The Politics of Respectability." I’ve wanted to write a book by my 50th birthday for at least the last eight months. Something that spoke to the very core of who I am as a woman. My 50 years of wisdom about sex, dating, self-love and being true to one's self. Everything seemed to have gotten in the way and I continued to procrastinate.
Book Cover!

Then May 1, 2011 I received a call that would change everything, including my life; forever. After I dried my tears I sat at the computer and the words simply flowed. Delta Sigma Theta Sorority rescinding my membership as an honorary member gave me the fuel and became the catalyst I needed to unpack a larger issue that I tackle every day. What kind of woman I am? Am I, “respectable,” enough as a Woman, Christian and Minister.

While this book is autobiographical in nature, it's not even close to my full story. My memoir, "UnProtected" is yet to be published. This book is however, my story. It unpacks the core of who I am and what I do. This is who I am, with all of my passion and zeal. I don’t know how to be anything else. I am my ministry and my ministry is wrapped around my journey. My experiences have shaped me for better or worse and they inform my day-to-dayness.

My journey landed me into Delta and it landed me out of Delta. This book traces my journey from Mama to Men and how that shaped the woman I am, which in the end lead to my collision course with, “The Politics of Respectability.” I will use my story in first person, some of my most provocative blog posts from my Diva Living With AIDS Blog, as well as, my seminary and PhD studies to craft my collision course with respectability that ended in my expulsion from Delta.

The book will be released first as an Amazon Kindle and as soon as we can finish the lay out, you will be able to get paperback from Amazon book to order. Now I'm going this route because I don't have the funds to print it myself. As soon as I can pull the funds together I will begin distributing the book as well. Not sure how long that will be.  Stay Tuned for the Release Date!! It's Coming Real SOON!

Post Script:  I may be short some blog post this week because I'm trying to complete the manuscript. I learned today that I will be on IV medication through this week... It will be a fine balance managing the side-effects (right now I'm they are kicking my tail) and finishing the book... But the book will be completed no later than my Birthday!! 

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mother's Day Blog Winner!

The Winner of the Mother's Day Contest.... This is her blog post about her Mother unedited by me...

My mother had me when she was 22 years old. I was her first child. She has smothered me with love so much that for years, the only quality I thought I would desire in a mate was a man who would spoil me like my mother did. I had Clarks heels before I was eight and she made sure to dress me up fancy all the time. She says when I was a child, she spent most of the time knitting me gloves and socks and head socks and making sure I stayed on a mat so I wouldn’t get dirty. Even today, I see it in the way she buys me expensive perfume and make up and calls me up every other day to find out how I’m doing that she dotes on me.

We had our issues when I was a teenager but even then, I never doubted her true feelings about me.
When my mother was taken ill in May 2008 (she was diagnosed with HIV in 1996), I was scared but she was stronger than us and let us know every single day that the LORD’s promises did not include death at her age. This picture was taken on my visit to the hospital. It was not allowed for caretakers to share beds with the patients but we’d wait until after lights out so that I could climb in beside her. It was more comforting for both of us that way. And I was twenty whole years old!
Here she was struggling with nausea and her teeth enamel had been severely erroded by constant vomiting but she was still smiling for the camera (I took the picture). That’s Mama. Always calm in a storm. Her recovery took a long time, about half a year, and even then, she lost use of her legs. In this time, I have come to appreciate my mother’s strength of spirit. She still works extra hard at her sewing machine. She taught herself how to tailor, how to paint and has had several businesses wherever she has lived. She’s an enterprising woman. If you can see the plaits in her hair on the hospital bed, yeah, she taught me that too. I had uncountable dolls while growing up to practice with. She has had nine children and although she now remains with seven, I don’t know how she does it but everyone believes they are her favourite child. She dotes on her children and her husband and talks about God every day of her waking.

This picture was taken last year, a day before my graduation day. I was fresh out of a four hour bus journey from the town I was doing my internship and was trying on the outfit for the next day. She was working in her shop, as evidenced by the tape measure around her neck. She has since moved to a bigger shop and it’s business as usual. Mama had a government job before her illness in 2008. She lost it later but even that hasn’t held her back. She is self employed and takes making the most of everything to a higher level. My mother is a very special woman and I hope to God she knows it. Sometimes I don’t know how I can let her know this in words or actions. She’s beating AIDS, stress and work like the true winner she is. I love you Mama, and when I grow up (never mind that I’m turning 24 this May), I want to be just like you.

Friday, May 11, 2012

Day 13! Count Down To 50!

Today is day 13th as I count down to 50 years of life. As of today I've been on IV medication for 25 days and I'm so ready to get off. I'm moving slow because the side-effects of the med's is really affecting me. There will be no written blog today, just my video count down... I need the time for the book.

Have a great weekend! And ummmm use a condom!! There is no sex worth your life!!

Day 13 Video....

Day 15th Video....

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Dating The Right Reverend Part Three!

(Links For Part One and Two Scroll To Bottom)

Yep, I left the Right Reverend's little town all in love, but what I didn't know was a freight train was gonna hit my ass. I should have followed my first mind. I knew in my heart of heart that this shit didn't feel right. I knew it, but I didn't want to be alone, especially with HIV.

The Right Reverend was so accepting of my HIV status, I wanted to believe that my best interest would be a priority. I wanted to believe my best interest would be severed all the way around. Well let me tell you, just because a man is great in one area does not mean he will be great in another area. Nope.

And when the freight train hit my ass, I had no idea what happened. I was in Chicago visiting Mama. Lawd, she had finally joined the church and was getting Baptized and I was not going to miss that one if my life had depended on it. Growing up with Mama, she never put her feet inside of a church, NEVER. I would leave her in bed hung over on Sunday morning. Interesting though, she always had Sunday dinner ready when I got home. She was a functional alcoholic to the max.

But back to the Right Reverend. He had a preaching engagement that weekend in another town. So when I settled into Chicago that Friday night I called him at the hotel he was staying at. He was not there. Then I checked my messages and sure enough he had left a message.  He said, "Sweetie, I've made it safely. Don't call me tonight I'll check with you in the morning." Now ummmm, we NEVER went to bed without talking and that just didn't sound right.

I shook it off, but only for a little while. A few hours later I called back to the hotel and he still wasn't in. I hung up but I couldn't shake it. Where was he so late? Now, this was way before cell phones. I went to bed, but I just couldn't shake it, "Where the hell was he at this hour," I kept asking myself? This was so out of our norm. I went to bed but I couldn't sleep. I just laid there, numb. Then I remembered when I called the hotel, the city name sounded familiar. I thought about it long and hard, and then it hit me, I saw on those letters in his apartment. Yep the ones I found in his closet.

So I got up out of bed and called again. He still wasn't there at 2:00 A. M. and yep, it was the same town. I got this feeling in the pit of my stomach. I got nervous... Lawd did I get nervous. I didn't want to know, but I needed to know...
I needed to know... I needed to know!!!! So I picked up the telephone again and asked for directory assistance in this small town. Yall they didn't have this universal directory assistance back then; Times have really changed.

So I called and I asked for the listing of the woman's name that I remembered seeing on the letter. She had a number. I wrote it down and then I fell to the floor. Lawd, this cannot be happening to me. This cannot be happening to me. He was the best thing since sliced bread and he certainly was the best thing, so I thought, since I learned that I was HIV positive.  But the bread had molded and now I had to decide if I was gonna keep it or throw that shit away.

I had to know. I had to confirm my suspicion, but I needed to get my wits about me. I went into the kitchen and made me a cup of Lipton tea, they didn't have all this fancy stuff yet. I sat at the kitchen table and I talked to God. "Lord now you know, you know, you know." That's all I could say, and truly needed to say, because God does know. I took a deep breath, "Just give me the strength and courage to do the right thing?"

After I had finished my tea, I made the call. Hello, I heard a woman's voice. I took a deep breath and I asked for the Right Reverend. I heard her say, "It's for you," so they must have been close. When I heard his voice my stomach dropped.

I lit in, "What the fuck are you doing?" His ass was just as calm and you know that pissed me off more. "I'm visiting a friend Rae." "At 2:00 A.M. the fuck clock in the morning?" I hollered. He said, "I'm not going to deal with this right now." Huh? I looked at the phone. He had dismissed me, all hell naw , HELL NAW!!

"What the fuck are you doing there?" "Rae, Rae," he was trying to calm me down. "You better get the fuck out of there and I mean now. How can you do this to me?"  I yelled. He was still so calm. "I'm not going to discuss this right now,"He said. "The fuck you ain't," I hollered!

"How could you do this? I thought she was just a friend?" I asked. "She is Rae," he said calmly. "The hell she is! You don't visit your friends at 2 in the morning," I fired back! "Rae, listen I'm visiting a close friend that's all," He said. "Well you better unvisit her ass," I hollered. He finally relented. "I'm going to the hotel and I will call you from there." Fine!" I hollered and hung up the phone.

I sat at the table and waited and about 30 minutes later the phone rang. I answered on the first ring. "What the fuck was you doing there, what the fuck was you doing there?" I hollered before he could say a thing. "Are you going to listen," he asked? "What were you doing there?" I repeated myself then added, "I'm not enough woman for you?"

"Rae will you please calm down please?" I shut up and started to listen. He plead his case. We are just friends he explained. "But you fucked her before," I said. "Yes Rae, but I'm with you now. Baby I love you with all of my heart. Really, we were just sitting there talking." "Yeah well, why didn't you want me to call you late?" He had an answer for EVERYTHING, I mean everything.

That night we didn't resolve anything. We argued and argued about it for the next few days, but I gave in because I didn't want to lose him. He then flipped the script. Men are good at that shit. It became an issue about him being able to trust me. I had roamed through his things at home and now I'm tracking him down at other people's house. He had me on the defensive.

But this didn't feel right. It just didn't feel right. Nor did I like this feeling. I had it way to many times. A woman should feel secure in a relationship. Yes she should. But instead I felt  trapped. I didn't want to be alone; I just didn't.  "Who else is gonna want me?" I kept asking myself.

Yes, he said that he loved me but his actions were not matching up with his words. I knew in my heart of hearts that this was not right. He might have loved me, but I didn't like how his brand of love felt. I knew it had to come to a head. I knew I needed to get on with my life, but the fear of being alone was just too much. Fear paralyzed me to do the best thing for me. I was young with HIV and I didn't want to be alone, I just didn't.

In those early days self-love was slow coming, but I always came around. Now I know today, that slow coming caused a lot of emotional damage. That's why I tweeted that young lady that day about her relationship.

No one should be in a relationship that does not let you shine; that does not lift you up to be the best you can be. Bullshit ain't nothing, there is no man or woman on this planet worth your dignity!! The longer you stay in the relationship that beats you down, the more you lose of yourself, self-worth and self-esteem. You are the best thing that ever happened to you and that should always be your guiding light. 

Yep, in those early days having a man in my life was the most important thing and it took more hurt and shit piled on top of me to walk away. It took a few months, but I had to let the Right Reverend go. I knew in my heart of heart who he was. Living with HIV, I didn't think I could handle anymore hurt. So I did what I had to do. I left. I left knowing that I had HIV and I ran the risk of maybe not finding another man to love me. But the fact of the matter, his brand of love hurt more than it felt good. I just had to be honest with myself at the end of the day. So I left!

We stay stuck in these unhealthy relationships because we don't want to be alone. We stay stuck because he/she is what we know and knowing what we know is better than what we don't knowWhat I know for sure, as long as you keep holding on to shit, you will always stink. You have to clean up and out to be the best you and to attract the best for you.

Part One

Part Two

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

There is No More Rain In My Cloud!

I landed in the freaking ER Last night! My chest has been hurting for the last few days and then my arm started to tingle. I thought that I was having a heart attack or had a blood clot from my picc line. Well it was neither! It was a combination of my current health issue with the herpes and the IV medication and STRESS....

I had a reality check. My ass landed in ER because of STRESS... Now I know that stress is not my friend, especially because I already don't have an immune system. My body reacts to everything! But I cannot let stress take my ass up out of here. God did not bring me this far for me to lose focus. So I'm getting my shit together!!

I'm gonna stop saying I'm O.K  and get O.K.!! I am not going to squander another day of God's gift of life to me stuck over something I can't do shit about anyway.  As I always say, It is what is. I can't change a damn thing, but what I can change is me. AIDS ain't took my ass out of here, and I declare I ain't letting anything or anybody take me out. Both of my BFF's have said I would have told them by now to get the fuck over it.  So I'm taking my own advice. God has too much work for me and I have squandered a week of my life stuck... stuck... stuck...

Father Forgive Me For Losing Focus...

But ummmmmmm... There is No More Rain In My Cloud! Today I'm working, I mean really working. I have a book to publish and I have RLT Collection bracelet orders to get out and dishes to wash.  Do you hear me, THERE IS NO MORE RAIN IN MY CLOUD!

Today's Video.. Day 17th! Count Down To 50!

Mother's Day Give Away! RLT Collection!

It's no secret that I have never known a mother's love. My biological mother was a heroin addict who spent many years using. And when I finally met her, heroin had taken all that she had to give. She tried, but in the end, she just wasn't able too.

The woman I call Mama, my grandfather's third wife, who actually raised me just wasn't capable. While she provided a stable home with the basics, food, clothing and shelter, she left me unprotected and violated. She wheeled her brand of love with mean words and anything she could grab in her hand.

But I know there are some of you that have a different experience. A wonderful experience. So here's your chance to tell the world on my blog. Write me a blog post telling why your mother is special. The winner will receive this beautiful Mother of Peal bracelet from RLT Collection for their mother. And the blog you write will be posted on my blog on Mother's Day in honor of your mother.

To Enter the Raffle:
1. You must write a blog no longer than 500 words. E-mail to rae@raelewisthornton.com.
2. Send a picture of your mother.
3. Send a picture of you and your mother.
4. You must follow me on Twitter-if you are on Twitter.
5. You must like my Facebook Fan Page -if you are on Facebook.
6. She does not have to be your biological mother but she has to be the woman who raised you for at least half of your life.

DEADLINE! Send me the blog post and pictures by Friday May 11th at 9:00 AM! 
The winner will be announced Sat May 12th.
The blog you wrote on your mother with pictures will be posted on Mother's Day, May 13th

Good Luck Lovely's... Everyone can enter!!!

Monday, May 7, 2012

Monday Reflection: All Things Work Together For Good...

On day 17 as I count down to 50 I'm resting my body, mind and spirit. So there will be no regular Monday Reflection.... Just todays video. What I know for sure: No matter what you are facing, all things work together for good to them that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. Well the Bible says:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose
Romans 8:28 NIV

We can be sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good

Don't be confused, God has a purpose for everyone's life. That means you too. We just need to be still and hear from God; But then, when God tells you to move that 's what you do. Obedience is Better Than Sacrifice. 

God told me to move. Since Wednesday night I have been working on a book, "The Politics of Respectability" It will first be an Amazon e-book and shortly there after I will lay it out to print, also on Amazon. I have no money to self-publish any other way, so I'm using what's before me. The photo shoot for the cover was done yesterday and my hope is to have the book completed by this weekend or early next week. When I sit at the computer it just flows. I have never been able to write this much, so clearly in such a short period of time. I'm somewhere between 85-90% done with the first draft. God is giving me so much clarity. I'm using my life experiences, my education, especially drawing from my PhD studies around Black Women and my blog. I'm excited that God planted this book into my spirit.

 Be encouraged Lovely's and know that God always has a plan. Know that all things work together for good. You just be steadfast and unmovable in your faith and God's call for your life.

Day 17 Video....

Day 18 Video....

Friday, May 4, 2012

Dating The Right Reverend- Part Two!!

I know yall been waiting on part two of Dating The Right Reverend, so here you go.  You can read Part One Here.

We left off at the phone call from the other woman. So I couldn't wait to let whoever this heifer was know, there's a NEW woman, so step the hell back.  So I said, "Sweetie, he's in the shower right now, I would be glad to take a message." There was silence and I smiled. "Mission accomplished," I thought! She chimed in, "Will you please let him know, (whatever the heck her name was) is on the phone." "Sure," I said and went to the bathroom. "Hey Babe Kathy Mae is on the telephone." "WHAT?" he said. I repeated myself, "Kathy Mae is on the phone. I told her you were in the shower, but she 'sinsistent."

There was a deep sigh, "Rae, I'm in the shower, tell her I can't come to the phone." So I politely went back to the telephone. "He told me to tell you that he can't come to the phone right now." There was silence and then a defeated voice. "Alright," and then click.

I had won! But I knew he was irritated, so I slipped off my clothes and slipped into the shower with him. I would make him forget all about her. Make him remember that I was all the women he needed. My tongue made my way down and it became just the two of us all over again. But later that day it was nagging at me, so I asked the Right Reverend, "Who is she?" "Baby, she's an old girlfriend that won't let go." He added, "I have nothing to hide. You have been all over this small town with me. You've met my family and friends, I have nothing to hide."

He was right, if he had another woman then he was slicker than slick because I had been everywhere and met everybody. And then I started to think about it, I had HIV. Why would he be with me if he wanted someone else? And why would he put someone in a triangle with HIV in the middle? He was much smarter then that. So I continued to enjoy the day. I put Kathy Mae or whatever her name was, out of my head.

As the day turned into night, I couldn't get it out of my head. I just couldn't get it all of my head. So that morning when he left for work, I went looking. Now the thing about looking is this, don't look if you are not prepared to find. For Real... For Real...

The fact is when you go looking the relationship is already over, trust has already gone out the window. If they are cheating it's confirmed, if they aren't cheating, then you have over stepped boundaries for no reason. Ummmm, but sometimes, whether you find it or not, there is something inside of you that says something is wrong. No one should be made to feel as if something is wrong. A man should make a woman feel like she is the only woman in the room all day long, bottom line.

So I went looking. I looked and looked and found nothing. It started to seem as if I had been silly. I got a cup of tea and relaxed on the sofa and then something in my spirt told me to look in the hall closet.  WOW! There I found it, a bag of letters, OMG! and I mean letters. But there was nothing locally, they were all from another town in Michigan.  I sat there are read them and I was blown away. The girl wrote, "While you were in the pupil preaching, I was getting wet and thinking about fuckin him." WOW!! HUH?

This was too much for me. I paced that damn floor all day waiting on his ass to get home from work. I was hurt, mad, pissed-off and whatever else you want to add. How cold I have been such a fool? How could I have been such a fool? I have HIV why would he add a third party? Yes we were using condoms but this was still so not right on so many levels.

The minute he walked in that door we had it out. But in the end, it became more of an argument about why I had invaded his privacy, rather than what I had found.

He had me on the defensive; I knew I was wrong looking through his things. Let me be clear, that bag of letters was wayyyy back in the closet. I was digging deep. I was wrong. I had no right. I was ashamed of myself and mad as hell at him. Mad that I had found these damn letters. Mad that another woman was thinking about lovin him. Mad! Mad! Mad! All of my insecurities stared to surface. Maybe he would choose her over me because I have HIV. It was a mess!

But the more we talked the more he seemed to smooth it over. He had a great explanation and it sounded good. She was an old girlfriend, look at the dates on the letters Well, they had been sent right before we started talking. He pleaded his case and it sounded good. It sounded good because I didn't want to be with HIV and alone. It sounded good because he was the perfect man in all other respects; Minister, good job, running for political office in his home town, compassionate about social justice, well dressed and good lawd that boy knew how to rock my world in bed.

I surrendered to his madness and explained it away. Just months before I met him, I was thinking that I would never find a man that would be with me because I had HIV and now I had one that was inhabited to the 3rd power.  I explained it away, "It takes time to clean house," I said to myself.  Maybe she was old news. Yep, I explained it away because I didn't want to be alone.

He had to be a keeper. This had to work out, it just had to. But I missed the golden rule that day, When someone shows you who they are believe them, don't make excuses, don't explain it away and don't wait for a better day. It is what it is!

I put it all out of my head. I explained it away and went back to DC lovin this man for lovin me. The relationship seemed to be going steady. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months and I was head over heels in love.  I was in DEEP!

Then in one night it all came tumbling down and I had to face the truth and make a hard decision, keep a man, or lose myself and all of my dignity in the process.

To Be Continued...

I know I know... I'm sorry my life is crazy right now.. and I'm trying to balance it all... I will work on the rest later tonight... *blows kisses*

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Day 21! Count Down To 50! My Body Has Crashed... But...

Today is Day 21 as I count Down To 50! My body has crashed from the combo of stress, HIV fatigue and this darn IV medication, but I'm pressin my way. Today I'm working from bed. I've already started writing part two of Dating The Right Reverend and it's coming TODAY! Promise... :)

Today's Video! Day 21! Count Down To 50!

Post Script:  The Diva AIDS Awareness Bracelet  celebrating my life and work will be ready to ship by Tuesday. Thanks for the pre-orders! If you were waiting  you can go ahead and order it. Also, The Delta Bracelet that I designed and introduced last week is still on the site and has been re-named to Diva 2. Sorry but I had no choice. However, I have invested all this freaking money into the supplies, so I'm still selling the bracelet, it's perfect for stacking and will look cute with the Diva AIDS Awareness Bracelet! SHOP HERE FOR BOTH
Diva AIDS Awareness and Diva 2 Bracelets.

Don't forget Mother's Day.. RLT Collection are wonderful and they make wonderful gifts.  I have tons of Bracelets on SALE I'm shipping out the next day and if you make your order by 12 noon it will go out the same day. UPS and Priority Mail takes about the same time but Priority Mail is cheaper.  You can choose either one.. It takes about 2-4 days depending on where you live. These Mother of Pearl Bracelets Kim Coles are wearing are perfect for any Mother... They are on sale and I have other Mother of Pearl Bracelets on sale too.  Shop Here For These Bracelets Kim is wearing

Kim Coles Sporting RLT Collection!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Day 22! Count Down To 50! I'm Moving Forward!

Yesterday was a tough day, but after a sleepless night in God's face, mucho prayer and meditation, I'm moving forward. Yep, today was a good day for me. I took some time away from the house and some what from my work to process the recent events of my life. You know God always has a plan and if you just sit still, you will be given all the direction that you need.

Now don't be confused. Just because I don't wallow in misery, don't mean I'm not hurting. I remember a minster use to say, it's not that you fall in the shit, it's how long you stay in the shit and how much absorbs in your skin.

So I'm up and at them. After a long walk, a great lunch and long talks with dear friends, I'm moving forward on a project that has been in my spirit for at least 8 months.

For some reason I just couldn't get the right fit. But today it was all made plain to me and this evening I started pulling together an Amazon eBook. I wish that I had the money to publish a paperback, but truly eBooks are poplar right now.

 So I'm tooooo excited. The Politics of Respectability is COMING no later than May 22nd my birthday. But I hope that I get it done at least the week before. Now y'all know I must be crazy starting a new project while I'm on this IV medication, but ummm the Bible says Obedience is better than Sacrifice and God has given me direction so I'm Moving Forward! Don't sit on God's plans for your life, you might miss out on your blessing and you just might miss blessing others!

Today Video! Day 22! Count Down To 50!

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Day 23! Count Down To 50! One of the Saddest Days of My LIfe....

Today is one of the saddest days of my life... I'll let the video do the talking or else I'll start crying on the keyboard... I'm just asking that you keep me in your prayers... This level of stress is not good for herpes and I cannot afford a relapse. The hope is that I am getting off the I medication at the end of the week.

Today's Video.... Day 23... As I Count Down To 50!

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