I know that to be true in my own life. I've been on that vicious cycle more times than I would like to admit; in and out of relationships that suck the fucking life out of me. It's interesting though, what seems to give you life at some point, turns around and suffocates the life out of you. How do you get to that point? Like, how can it be so good, then so bad? All of that seems to be a mystery to me. I can examine every relationship that I've been in and I would have a different answer to every success and every failure.
I wish that I had a crystal ball that could tell me the outcome of a relationship, but I don't and with each new person, chance taking becomes king. But what you can determine up front, is how you want to be treated. If you go into a relationship understanding your worth, you will never let a person devalue you. Your values become Queen and that will guide your path no matter which way the road goes.
Now let me be honest, in the past I have gone into some relationships understanding that I'm a bad bitch, but at some point my greatness took a back seat to the possibility of loneliness. No one wants to be alone and to top that off, no one wants to admit that it just didn't work.
So we hang onto the madness, hoping and even praying that the goodness will come back. In the process the madness sucks the life out of you, and it feels nothing like his tongue when he was sucking life into you. For Real... For Real...
How long do we stay in the madness trying to get back the goodness? What do you lose in the process that you can never regain?
Staying at all cost is a dangerous thing to your spirit. Madness can chip away at the best of you. It can leave cracks that can never be repaired. It has taken me years to get to this understanding and more years to apply it to my life. Just because you know better, don't always mean that you do better.
You must begin to ask yourself, what kind of life do you really want to have? Where is the epic center of your joy? Does it lie within you, or does it lie with how someone else makes you feel? And when are you honest with yourself that the madness is greater than the goodness?
I don't have all the answers to these complex questions. Everyone has to live their life to the best of their ability. As for me, I understand that there isn't a dick on the planet that can make me feel better than I already feel about myself. The sparkle in my eyes shines bright and I'm not willing to sacrifice this wonder.
I understand my value and I know that I cannot be with a person that does not see me as God intended for me to be. I was shaped in His wonderful image, and there is nothing or no one that can ever interfere with God's gift to me. Been there and done that and I don't like how it feels. I want to be in sync with the greatness that God has given me.
My Bottom Line: Love Who Loves You Back!!! Stop chasing mothafuckers sucking the life out of you. Stop surrendering the best of you to have a part of him.