Tea began as medicine and morphed into a beverage of choice!
I don't quite remember when I fell in love with tea but I do remember the most 
Until recently I had never drank Peppermint Tea made with loose leaves. And Honestly, I will probably never go back. The freshness of loose Peppermint Tea cannot be denied. When I open the can of 
I love to read! Inside a book I escape into someone else's life. There is something wonderful about turning to the next page of a wonderful story. Something intoxicating about the smell of the book and the story it brings to life. Reading brings me joy, and these days with my health in the balance, I find solace in my books.
Since about April, right after I declared war on my fat, you remember that blog post? Well, right after that, I started spiraling down. I could feel myself falling deeper and deeper after almost two months so I told myself, "Girlllll you better catch yourself before you have to pick yourself off the floor," that is from self-loathing. Cause when I know better and I don't do what it is I know, I tend to sink way down into a even deeper mess - and then depression. I'm not sure what drives that behavior, whether it's the all or nothing Gemini in me or just some childhood shit I haven't worked through.
My dietary intake has been so poor that I'm constipated yet again. Now my constipation is a clear message from my body. It is demanding to be treated like I love it! Our body always speaks whether we listen or not. Of course for two months, I wasn't listening and it has manifested itself in the form of Irritable Bowl Syndrome, yet again as well as, weight gain of about 10 pounds.
I got a 101 excuses for making it to the gym only 1-3 times, (mostly 1 or none) a week and some are legitimate.
I had a really bad round of HIV related peripheral neuropathy in my legs and feet and then a bout of bronchitis, and for the last two weeks back pain that I learned yesterday in ER to be a muscle strain and inflammation. So, no CrossFit or Yoga until I get better, doctors orders.
Now truthfully, I can't blame my health issues on the other unhealthy behavior that has manifested itself in my life. Like the Cheetos ... and more Cheetos. Maybe I could argue that the surge in Cheetos was because of the decrease of serotonin in my body. I stopped taking antidepressants because they interfere with the medication I take to treat the peripheral neuropathy, so Cheetos became my drug.
On a side note, I've been on antidepressant for about 3 years straight and I went cold turkey. Now that I'm off the neuropathy medication, I'm going to stay off the antidepressants as well and give my body a break. The less medication is also the best philosophy. I'll try some other things to help me be happy, like working out.
Back to the Cheetos, I know the week of the Rev. Charles Jenkins blog my stress level increased by leaps and bounds and so did my intake of the Cheetos. I'll be blogging about that separately because that madness took some real examination of self and others.
Now truthfully, I can't blame my health issues on the other unhealthy behavior that has manifested itself in my life. Like the Cheetos ... and more Cheetos. Maybe I could argue that the surge in Cheetos was because of the decrease of serotonin in my body. I stopped taking antidepressants because they interfere with the medication I take to treat the peripheral neuropathy, so Cheetos became my drug.
On a side note, I've been on antidepressant for about 3 years straight and I went cold turkey. Now that I'm off the neuropathy medication, I'm going to stay off the antidepressants as well and give my body a break. The less medication is also the best philosophy. I'll try some other things to help me be happy, like working out.
Back to the Cheetos, I know the week of the Rev. Charles Jenkins blog my stress level increased by leaps and bounds and so did my intake of the Cheetos. I'll be blogging about that separately because that madness took some real examination of self and others.
The benefit was the weight lost. I wonder though, if there was a transition in me from the most important to the most superficial. The soul said do this for your "inner most self," and the ego said, "get it Diva".
The compliments fed my ego and that then transcended into vanity and that became my purpose over and above living healthy. Vanity will fuck you up every time.
Somewhere there was a shift in my spirit and it manifested itself in my behavior. I got cocky instead of consistent. In the end, the lack of consistency led me to excuses and that lead my ego to comfort itself, the days became soothing and self-loathing instead of working out and eating fruit.
I can't beat myself up, none of it can be changed. Nor can I over think it because that will lead to a full fledged conversation in my head and then before I know it, I'll be acting on that shit and eating more Cheetos because I created even more drama. I'm learning that the head-game is only your ego trying to justify, because the ego always needs to protect, defend and manipulate, rather than just be.
The real key is to let go of the self-loathing and just let it be. I cannot undo a thing that has been done, all I can really do is live in the right now.
And while I'm not eating Cheetos right now I do recognize that there is soot around the light that shines within me. I'll let therapy help me clean the soot from that vantage point and on the other end, I'll get a rag and cleaning solution and get to work.
The biggest thing for me, is that I recognized the Cheetos had taken up a life of it's on in my space. The good news is that the Cheeots have been evicted. In the long run, it's better to clean the soot off the light that dims your soul rather, than add layers of grit on top of the soot.
