Olde To Porn Tities...

My Porn Tities Before The Mediport!

I always thought that I had porn tities. Not the kind that are super big, but the ones that are round and shapely and lay just that certain way; easy on the eyes so to speak. Even as I've aged my breast have been the one body part I prized the most. Well, I do have pretty legs and feet, but my breast at 38 D whether covered or uncovered made a point. Then this past December  I had a medi-port place in my chest, right above my porn tities!

Somewhere the medical procedure went astray and before I left the hospital it became infected. Three days later when my home healthcare nurse took the bandage off, I was red, raw and scared up. Click Here to read about my mediport drama. You can also such Mediport on my blog for that saga.

After the First Mediport

The medi-port drama wouldn't go away to save my life. They took that port  out three weeks later then put another one in another three weeks later. Needless to say, I've been cut three times over my pretty porn tities, disrupting the flow of things.  Like my chest was the introduction to my beautiful porn tities; like for real, for real. Shoot, at 51 with AIDS a woman feels like she has got to have some physical attributes. And don't you dare tell me that I'm smart and pretty. My scared up chest was not something that I signed up for and it has been an emotional adjustment.

My Chest Now!

Now, I know this may seem like a small thing to some of you, it may even seem shadow, but I know that every woman thinks there is at least one part of her body, that is the best part, so stop judging. This is some real talk, when your body is altered because of your health, it leaves you feeling helpless and for some even hopeless.

Now in honesty, in the fullness of living with AIDS, I know that my porn tities disruption is a small thing. But for real, it has cause me some embarrassment of sorts. I took this picture on the right last week and all I could think about was the ugly scares on my chest. But then I started to think about my girlfriend Alicia who has porn tits for real for real. I mean for real! I mean, big and shapely and easy on the eyes for real for real. I mean, my 38 D cannot compare to her ummm 44D no matter how hard I wished. When I thought about her beautiful breast I felt shame for how I felt about my scares. 

Alicia Before her Surgery

In the last two months, I've watched her on Instagram, morn the lost of her beast, that is before they took her breast. Each time she posted a picture something inside of me hurt because she hurt. Each picture was like a celebration of what would be no more. Odle to real porn tities, I thought one night. 

Alicia is a  breast cancer survivor now two times. In 2009 I  watched her through surgery, chemotherapy and radiation. She never missed a beat,  for real y'all.  She never even left home without earrings or lipstick. She is my kind of Diva. Then a couple of months ago, she was diagnosed yet again. This time, they had to remove that same breast that they had cut tumors from almost four years earlier

They took her breast last week, and I've watched her new pictures on Instagram. With one breast removed she's still wearing lipstick and earrings with a smile that says I will not let you take my dignity Cancer! Follow Her on IG @Kushluvshouse13

Alicia  After Her Surgery 

While, I'm over here complaining about my scared up chest, I need to slap myself. I can't imagine the lost that she must be feeling. I wish I could change her destiny, but it is what it is.

Because of Alicia, I've been thinking a lot about breast cancer lately. How black women are often diagnosed late and that our survivor rate is less than that of white women. Go to the Black Women's Health Imperative for more information. Click Here

Self Breast Exam

I wonder why, like really, why is the survivor rate for black women with breast cancer worst than any other race?

 Some of it must be poverty, lack of access to health care and mammograms, but how much can we blame on health disparities? There are places that give free mammograms in every state. So then is it lack of information?  Or, at our base line, do Black Women think this is not our issue? Are their some cultural issues around modesty, especially for older black women? Is there an issue with the thought of someone you don't know looking and touching your breast, even in a medical setting?

Let me go a little deeper. These questions must be asked because a breast exam is free. Like I don't see the problem. We can give our own self a breast exam in the privacy of our home.

 I remember after Mrs. Jacqueline Jackson  the wife of Rev. Jesse L. Jackson, Sr., her sister to breast cancer, she kept a fake breast on the table. Every woman that entered her home, she made them touch it. People had thought she had gone mad. But I got it! She had lost her sister and only if  the cancer had been caught early, her sister would've  been sitting around that table with her.

Alicia After Her Surgery

Ok, so we won't touch our own breast in the privacy of our home, but we will let a man suck, bite, squeeze,  gnaw, grab and some even let man cum on their breast. I don't get it, but yet in the privacy of our home, we still can't touch our own breast.

Some of you will even have contempt for the pictures in this blog. I don't get it. We are so fucking self-righteous that we can't even take care of ourselves.

Maybe you think you are to young to get breast cancer. Well, I've known women in in their thirties.  Furthermore, you need to start giving yourself breast exams early so you can learn the shape of your breast, so if there is a shift, you will recognize it.

Breast Cancer is a woman's issue and we need to be addressing it in our organizations, in our homes and among our girlfriends. How old is your mother? Have you asked her when she had her last mammogram?

There is something for all of us to do. It's not enough to Pin A Sister with a pink ribbon. We need to touch our breast, and we need to make sure that the women in our life are touching their breast. You can Click Here to watch a video on how to do a self-breast exam.  Click Here for help locating a place for free mammograms. Chicago has a great program for free mammograms, Click Here for details.

Change starts with you. Unfortunately for Alicia, even though the cancer was discovered early, it came back, which is sometimes the case. Now, as I complain about the scars on my chest, I watch her deal with the lost of a breast. She will have reconstructed surgery in a few months, until then I watch and I pray. On Social Media, she tells her story, she challenges the stigma and shame around the lost of a breast, of course wearing lipstick, earring and  RLT Collection bracelets, but only God knows her real pain. 

Fashion Friday: The Ultimate In Girl Power!!

I'm just coming to realize the power in my newest bracelet collection. I hadn't really given a lot of thought to the design concept. I had only one goal in mind for my design and that was to capture my sister friend and confident Alicia as best as I could. She is in the middle of her fight with breast cancer and kicking it in the behind! So, I wanted a fitting tribute to her.

The choice of Rose Quartz gemstones seemed to be a win-win all the way around. Pink is Alicia's favorite color and it is also the color of breast cancer awareness. Alicia is the ultimate girly girl and I wanted to make sure that the collection was consistent with her personality. I knew that I had achieved that goal when Alicia's mother said to us, "WOW, these are really feminine!" All I could do was smile. Mission accomplished!

But yesterday, one of my biggest customers, and the first to purchase from the collection, tweeted me that she was wearing her Alicia Bracelet. And then she tweeted, "It's the Ultimate in Girl Power!"  I agree...

Then we had a conversation about her 9 year old daughter who loves pink and was trying to maneuver the bracelet for herself. When Willie explained to her daughter the significance of the bracelet, her reply to her mother was, "You better sleep with it on." Willie and I exchanged a few more tweets about this young activist in the making. But the bottom line is that Willie had already begun the important discussion in a small way with her daughter about breast cancer.

I hear time and time again that women are afraid to touch their breasts and give themselves an exam, but doing so could mean early detection and early detection can save your life. We must begin educating our daughters as early as possible on issues related to being a woman, from self-love to self-exam. And yes, we lead by example. So something as simple as wearing a bracelet for breast cancer and HIV/AIDS awareness will let your daughters and nieces know that you are concerned about these issues. There is a lot of power women wield in almost every society. The saying is true, "The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world." As women, we have to use our power to enrich our lives and the lives of others.

The wrap bracelet in this collection was designed with a peace sign because Alicia loves peace signs. She has them in every shape, size and possible use, from earrings to t-shirts. More bracelet designs will be coming to this collection with a peace sign.

Post Script: Alicia has just completed chemotherapy successfully and is moving on to the next phase of treatment. She is handling this with grace and dignity. Oh, and the little girl in the picture above is Alicia's 15 month old granddaughter Jazmyn. She's in a contest at WGN beginning June 28th.  Do us a favor and vote for this Diva in the making...

Fashion Friday: Seatbelt Handbags & Alicia Bracelet Collection

I simply Love Love Love this handbag. I am amazed that it's made with seatbelts. Yes, the seat belts that are actually in cars. For Real... I know, right? How did they come up with that? Take something as ugly as a seatbelt and create this wonderful handbag. I was wondering the same thing.

When I saw this handbag in the back seat of Alicia's car, I grabbed it to get a closer look. "WOW! This is fab!" I told her. In her easygoing manner she explained that it was made from seatbelts. "Unbelievable!" was my response. I wanted to know all the details. She frequents Harvey's Boutique in Los Angeles, where she lives. And she almost never misses a first Friday sale.

She explained to me how she acquired this particular handbag. I couldn't believe that she had been holding out on me, but she is a very modest woman. Alicia has breast cancer and is in the middle of her treatment. She has been doing incredibly well. Her strength is remarkable. For the most part, she has not missed a beat. But typically the week of chemotherapy her energy is not the best. Well, on Harvey's last first Friday, she explained to the manager through Facebook that she wouldn't make this one because the chemotherapy treatment had taken all the energy she had that week. Another Facebook fan of Harvey's saw the Facebook post and purchased this handbag for Alicia. That was a "wonderful act of kindness," Alicia concluded, and I concurred. I was so moved by it all!

I was still having a difficult time believing that these bags are made from seatbelts. How did they ever come up with such an idea? Well, in 1997, husband and wife team, Dana and Melanie Harvey were installing seatbelts in their 1950 Buick when they came up with the idea to make Melanie a matching handbag, and the rest, as they say, is history.

I explored their website and I am in love. The Lola Ruffle bag is my favorite. It is classic, feminine and modern. This handbag comes in four colors black, espresso, rose and peony. The espresso pictured here is my choice!! I am counting my pennies. For Real... For Real...

They also have sales and that is great news to this Diva's ears. This red handbag is my pick on the sale items and it is a wonderful price.

Post Script: I am proud to announce the Alicia Collection of bracelets. I designed this collection for the RLT Collection when Alicia was diagnosed with breast cancer. I recognized that African-American women are disproportionately impacted by this illness just like with HIV. This collection is dedicated to all breast cancer survivors. In honor of my friend, confidant and sister friend, Alicia Harrell.

Alicia makes me proud to be called Woman... This collection is primarily designed with rose quartz gemstones. I chose the soft feminine pink stone because pink is the color of breast cancer awareness. And also because pink is Alicia's favorite color. 

The collection is available for purchase. There will be more designs in the coming weeks. 

Fashion Friday: Jewelry Thats Says Love...

Have you ever loved someone so much that you wanted to immortalize that love in some special kind of way? You know, find that special something that will remind you of the love you share with that special someone. Something that shouts my love is forever and ever more.

Well, I've got to be honest. I was never really one of those people. I'm too much of a skeptic. "What if it doesn't work?" I always asked. Then you're stuck with that darn thing for the rest of your life. It then becomes wasted money in the back of your jewelry box. At least that's what I always thought. I have always been way too much of a pragmatist to waste my money if it wasn't a sure thing.

Then I came to realize that unconditional love is constant no matter time, distance or circumstance. If the love is true then that special thing becomes symbolic of the love you share. It does not matter if you no longer share the same space, the love is the thing the binds you to that person. It's simple: Unconditional love stands still in time....

Finding that special thing can be as easy as one, two, three. The most trendy and contemporary jewelry is the Tiffany heart bracelet. I chose for myself the extra large heart for that over the top Diva look. It didn't bother me that this bracelet is common. What makes the bracelet special and uniquely yours is the message you engrave on the back.

Once you engrave that message the bracelet then becomes a symbol of your love. I suggest hand engraving because it lasts longer than machine engraving. Yes, mine is engraved, but if you are that close to see the initials then you should be paying my rent... LOL... But for real. The message belongs to you. Cherish it, not flaunt it.

There are other ways you can express your love, I saw it first with my girlfriend Alicia and I thought that it was a wonderful idea. Tiffany has wonderful charms that are priced incredibly well. They are circles with engraved initials in the center from A to Z. They have them in both sterling silver and gold. I chose sterling silver because I wear more white gold and it's easy to blend.

Instead of putting the emphasis on him, you can place the emphasis on the two of you. Then you add a third thing that binds the symbol of your love together. I chose the Tiffany heart key, sterling with the blue enamel because the color pops and I didn't want it to get lost in all of the sterling silver. Another reason you should consider adding a third charm is rooted in a design concept: The eye is always attracted to odd numbers.

Lastly, you all know that I design bracelets, so it was fitting for me to create a design that is borne out of my creativity. I didn't set out to do it, but when I ran across this beautiful Cameo I knew immediately I had to have it. The passion that the Cameo exudes is undeniable. It spoke volumes to what was in my heart and spirit.

When I brought it home, I sat it on my table for a couple of weeks. Allowing the simple center piece to guide me in the design, I concluded that while the center was symbolic of the passion, I needed to create a design that was also symbolic of the love. Whatever you choose, it should be uniquely designed to fit the uniqueness of your love.

For me, love is cultivated just like a pearl inside of an oyster. The longer it is cultivated the more beautiful the pearl. The more time and energy spent cultivating the relationship-- mind, body and spirit, the more your love will glow, just like the luster on a pearl.

Good, bad or indifferent, people will not be able to deny the glow. The beauty will speak for itself. And like the pearl, love cultivates sometimes in the most unlikely places even in the dark spaces in the depth of the sea.... It's an unlikely beauty, a pearl growing inside of an oyster, wrapped in slime, but growing nonetheless in its own time and space...

Post Script: Pearls are also my favorite stones. I think that there is something beautiful and feminine about a woman wearing pearls. It says I am a Woman. The bracelet is designed with six strands of 3mm pearls. It has a sterling silver heart and rhinestone charm dangle with a tiny pearl dangle down the front of the clasp.

Beauty Tuesday: Amazing Grace

It's been around for quite sometime now but the cute little names like Purity, Hope, Miracles and Amazing Grace did not impress me one bit. I'm usually experimental and I typically follow the trends but, in this case, I just didn't for no apparent reason that I can recall. Until recently I hadn't even considered trying Philosophy products, which is very atypical because bath and body products are by far some of my favorite things.

But yet again my girlfriend Alicia enlightened me. She and I are always sharing beauty tips. She knows that I love bath and body products so I shouldn't have been surprised when I received my first batch of Philosophy shower gel as my Valentine's Day gift. Well, I simply loved it.

Then for my birthday she sent me another installment, Amazing Grace. The clean feminine smell of Amazing Grace won me over for keeps. I'm not sure what I loved most about it; the blend is not too woodsy and not too floral. Typically, I choose floral in the spring/summer and something heavier in the fall/winter. However, I feel complete wearing this fragrance.

I love to layer my body products because it increases the staying power of the scent throughout the day. I start with the rich creamy shower gel. Then I'll reach for the lotion or a body cream.

I shy away from body butters because they are way to thick for my liking. But Alicia took a chance and I have to be honest, it's one of the best body butters I have ever used. The consistency has a whipped richness that goes on smooth.

I then top my body regime off with the same fragrance. A woman should always wear a fragrance! That's a Diva Rule! It should complement your personality and it speaks volumes to the woman that you are.

Alicia not only sent me a bottle of eau de parfum with the shower gel and body butter, she added the roll-on perfume oil that I can throw in my handbag.

I treasure my friendship with Alicia for so many reasons. We share so many things in common. The fact that she does it Diva Style is all the better. It was a wonderful birthday gift that came at the right time. During the last two weeks I have been on IV medication. At the end of my two hour IV drip each morning, I head to the bathroom and indulge myself in Amazing Grace. It is a small pleasure that I cherish that AIDS nor this IV medication can take away from me.

I think that Amazing Grace is a lovely fragrance. And the name, well let's be honest about that too. It reminds me of how wonderful God really is.

Post Script: By the way, the name of my first book is Amazing Grace. It's a wonderful book of letters that have been sent to me over the years. It chronicles my life and work through letters and at the same time the attitudes toward HIV/AIDS over those same years.