Tap Into Your Own Power!

Today is National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day and my message is unwavering. We have to tap into our own power. We have to make the decision to put ourselves first, love ourselves first and absolutely love ourselves more than wanting and needing a man in our life.  

Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with dating and love and all that good stuff. There's even nothing wrong with sex. Studies show that people who have sex are happier beings. 

It's just, the decision that you make about your life and body should be rooted in self-love, not the love or desire for love that you have or want from another. If I've learn one thing from other women in the twenty-two years that I've been educating about HIV/AIDS, it's this, the only person that will keep you safe in the end is you.  If I had a dollar for all the stories women have told me about what they thought about their relationship that was not true, I could get me a cute designer bag. 

We make decisions everyday about our lives, based on what someone has told us that we believe, what we assumed and even what we hope for our future. When we should be making decisions on what we know to be true, for sure. We plan our future down to the last "T" but when it comes to dating and love we sometimes get so caught up, that we start making decisions that leave us vulnerable. 

Let me use this example, if your employer told you that your job was going to end. They don't know the date, but for sure, it was not going to last.  You would start looking for another job in spite of the fact that you continue to go to work  everyday. You wouldn't keep hoping that the job wasn't going to end, you would prepare yourself. In fact, even if six months had passed the stress along of waiting for the ball to drop would make you get the hell out of that place.

But if a man tells you that he does not want a relationship, yet he keeps calling, texting, soaking up your space and diving into your goodness, you would rationalize that he eventually will come around. "He must like me," you say to yourself, "but maybe he's afraid of commitment." His behavior makes you  think that one day he's going to say, "I want you as my woman for real" *blank stare* But the man done told you that he does not want a relationship and he meant that shit. That's why he has never introduced you as his women, in spite of how he treats you in private . You keep holding on waiting and wanting and losing a part of yourself with each passing day. Ladies, I'm a witness that the idea of a healthy relationship does not make it true. Just like when the boss say that they are closing the doors, coming to work everyday does not change that fact.

I keep asking why we make these decisions for ourselves that our unhealthy in search of what we think will make us whole. When in fact the only thing that will make us whole is living from our soul.  We live from our soul when we make decisions that lift us up in every single way, mind, body and spirit. Oprah says all the time, that we are responsible for ourselves and that is a truth I will bank on. Yet we surrender ourselves in the name of love.  It really is up to us to take control over our lives and our bodies. Our body belongs to us, our life is our own and some of us treat our designer handbag better than we treat ourselves. 

My suggestions to take control over your life and body.

1) Insist on Condom Use. Every time you have sex without a condom you put your life against that sexual experience and for sure there is no sex worth your life. I promise, if you tell him, no condom no sex  and mean it, he will adjust. If he doesn't want to adjust, you have to not only ask yourself but also give an honest answer, is sex without a condom a risk I'm willing to take? Am I prepared for the consequences of what I don't know?

The reality is this, it's 2 to 1 that a man will infect a woman with HIV and 20 to 1 that a woman will infect a man. Furthermore, over half of the cases of women infected with HIV are through heterosexual sex. We continue to have unprotected sex a decision that is made on what we think we know or we do it in the heat of the moment. Passion will not save your life, neither will your assumptions about your partner. For sure, If the penis ain't in your pocket you have no idea what it's doing when it ain't with you. I say often, "I hope what you think you know about your partner is true."

2) Everyone who has ever had sex needs to be tested for HIV. When people say they don't want to know, I say that's some stupid shit. Why wouldn't you want to know about a medical condition that can be treated and with an early  diagnosis and virus suppression you could live a long life.

It's 2016 and every 10 minutes a person still becomes infected with HIV in the United States. Furthermore 38% of newly diagnosed HIV cases are of people that were infected by someone who did not know that they had HIV. Testing along can reduce the cases of new infections.

I have HIV and I insist that my partner have an HIV test. First off, I don't want to live in that kind of ignorance for him or myself. Most importantly, I am not trying to get re-infected with a different stain of HIV. What I have is more than enough.  By the way, a man can't tell me he got tested a year ago and let it ride. I have no idea what you have done with your penis in the 12 months prior to me. 

Testing for HIV is one of the best things that you can do for yourself. Staying in that ignorance could mean  how long you live or how soon you die. If you test positive  the better off you are in terms of life expectancy. The earlier they suppress the virus the healthier you will be. I know you think you know, but honesty, you don't know until you  take an HIV test. Living in what you think you know rather then what you know for sure is not a healthy lifestyle. I bet you know how much that handbag is that you want so you can get your money in order. *Blank Stare* But you don't know your HIV Status?

3) Have a talk with your partner. I find it so strange that when we talk about sex, we leave out some of the most important things. We know what position he likes best and that is important, and what you like it is equally important. But have you sat down and talked about HIV testing, condom use and other sexually transmitted disease. Have you even opened the door for the conversation? So many people are living with herpes and HVP, not in secret, not just HIV. You must to be willing to have an adult conversation about sex and how it happens with your partner. It makes for a healthy start to any relationship.  

So how to you talk about sex? At the kitchen table with all your clothes on. You cannot talk about sex, condom use in the moment of passion.

4) If you are infected with HIV. Get into treatment and care and STAY in treatment and care. I know it seems like an overwhelming burden. You send me messages about your struggle. But if I can do it for 33 years so can you. Think about this, when I was diagnosed there was no treatment, then came AZT, then can DDI then came more and more and more. I kept doing what my doctors asked of me and it saved my life. I want you to live a good life and the earlier the virus is suppressed the better off you will be.

a) Take your medication as prescribed

b) Talk to your doctor, ask questions, Co-partner with your care.

c) Get a support system. YOU CANNOT DO THIS ALONE

d) Get into some kind of therapy. Depression is very common with HIV and you don't need anything working against you

e) Find you a spiritual outlet

f) Find a community for yourself via social media. There are many people who follow me on my different social media sites who are positive and my post inspire them to keep going. Community is very important. YOU CANNOT DO THIS AlONE!

At the end of the day, I want women to  know that we have so much unspoken and untapped power! My challenge to you today, whether  you are infected or affected is to tap into the power within you, for a better you! Namaste

In honor of Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day the Office of Women's Health is sponsoring a blog hop. Please check out  the blog post of my partners for today.

Rae Lewis-Thornton Diva Living With AIDS Blog (Twitter, Instagram, Facebook)

Charreah Jackson,  Essence (Twitter, Instagram, Facebook)

Karyn Lee,  Red Pump Project (Twitter, Instagram, Facebook)

Dr. Hazel Dean, Black Doctor  Twitter, Instagram, Facebook)

#Doingit

I'm honored to have been asked to participate in the Center For Disease Control, Act Against AIDS newest HIV Testing Campaign, "Doing It." Donating your name and brand to a national campaign is no small thing. This is especially true, when you give someone else total control over how they present you to the public.

The best part of the campaign for me was the day long photo shoot working with two women that I love and respect. Charreah Jackson is the Lifestyle and Relationship editor for Essence Magazine. She also wrote the anniversary article on me for Essence, Dec 2015. Karyn Brianne Lee, is a Chicago girl and Co-Founder of Red Pump.

 I believe donating my time and name is worth it. Testing for HIV is important. What we know today is the earlier a person knows there HIV status and get in treatment, the longer you will live. In fact, early treatment for HIV could turn into decades of life. This is why testing is important.

The reality today, is about 40% of newly diagnosed cases of HIV are people infected by people who didn't know that they were infected. Testing can reduce new cases of HIV.

Join the campaign and be one of those #DoingIt Tag me on my Social Media sites after you have  tested  for HIV using the hashtag #DoingIt

 And if you see any of the billboards or adds in your city of Me, Charreah and Kayrn take a pic with it and post it on your Social Media site... Don't forget to tag me... I will repost on my Social Media Sites.

(I'm not sure which pictures of me they are using other than the tea party, even if's its only one picture, I'm wayyy excited, so be on the lookout.)

What I Think About HIV Home Testing...

Today the FDA approved the first  rapid take home HIV Antibody Test, Oral Quick. I have to be honest, I have mixed feelings about it. On one level I get it, there are about 240,000 people in the United States that do not know their HIV status and with this in mind, there is a need to have as many vehicles possible for people to get HIV tested.

Testing is important because the early you know your status, the early you get into treatment, the longer you are likely to live. Also, early anti-viral treatment  lowers the chances by 96% that a person will pass HIV to their partners.  Approximately 38% of newly diagnosed cases of HIV are people infected by persons that didn't know that they were infected. With 50,000 new cases of HIV in the United States a year, testing is critical. Treatment can becomes a form of prevention, but a person has to know their status to get to this point. Also, most people who know their HIV status try to protect their partners from infections

I get it! Testing is important! However, I also understand that there is still so much stigma around HIV. I think technology around HIV/AIDS has surpassed attitudes about HIV. Some days, I think we are still in the dark ages with how people feel about people with HIV. I blogged about that on Monday's Reflection.

I'm not sure that testing yourself alone is the best place to learn your status. If your test comes back negative their will be a hugh relief. But what happens when you test positive? Will you have enough courage to go to the doctors to begin the treatment process?

The guilt and shame that comes with an HIV diagnosis is imsurmoutable. A person has to be strong to get a positive HIV test  result at home. For Real! I learned my status from the Red Cross after routinely donating blood. It was in the early days, so the meeting only lasted 5 minutes. There wasn't much to tell me back then a like today. The only hope was that I would never make a transition to AIDS. If I didn't know God, I mean if I hadn't already lived a life time by the time I was 23 and diagnosed with HIV, I would have walked straight into the Potomac River. But I did know God, and I have always believed that God's plan was bigger than my plan, so I kept it moving.

But what about the people who don't have that kind of solid strength? What about those who test positive and go into denial. I foresee a lot of denial and thats both easy and dangerous. It's easy because there are no HIV symptoms, NONE. Symptoms only come 7-10 years after you are infected with HIV and making a transition to AIDS. A person can test positive and walk away thinking, "This has got to be wrong, I don't feel sick."

Also, the home test is only 92 percent accurate for people who are actually positive, while 99.98 for those who do not have HIV. This means that 12 would get a false negative and 1 and 5,000 uninfected would get a false positive.  Both of these come with a host self-explanatory problems.

At the end of the day, I still believe the best place to get tested for HIV is in a clinic that specializes in HIV testing, like an AIDS Clinic or the Health Department with trained HIV Counselors. Pre and Post Testing Counseling is important. It helps you to hash out your life in a way to truly understand your risk factors, it provides support and reassurance, no matter what your test result are. Taking an HIV test in Isolation can be dangerous.

If in fact you do decide to use the home HIV test, my recommendation is that no matter what your test results are, you should be re-tested  with a blood draw by a health professional.

 If you do test positive for sure, you must seek medical attention immediately, knowing that you are positive and doing nothing at all is just like not knowing. Expect you do know. Slowing disease progression should be your priority. Yes, it's true that HIV/AIDS is no longer the death sentence that it once was, but that is only true if you seek treatment as early as possible.

Technology has come a long way in the thirty-two years since the first cases of HIV in the United States. If we are going to take advantage of these advancements ,we should do it in the best way possible for our best benefit, otherwise it's futile.

Just Go Get Tested! Stop Playing!

I wanted to do a deep and profound  blog today, but  I ain't got it in me. Simply stated, GO GET Tested!! Stop Playing! To not know your HIV Status in 2012 is just mad crazy! You fucking ain't you?  Ok, Ok, making love, having sex, getting your groove on, whatever you want to call it, you're doing it ain't you? So why you grown enough to speed your legs, but not grown enough to open your mouth to get an HIV test? Like For Real! I' trying to understand your point of view.

I've heard it all, like I'm scared. If you are that scared of knowing then you really do need to know. It probably says that you have been in a position or two that left some level of doubt. It could be something as simple as, you had sex with someone you regret for some reason or the other. Or maybe, you learned they weren't all that they claimed to be at the front of the relationship, they were at the back end. I don't know your deep down reason for being scared, but I know it speaks to the fact that you really do need to know. Get tested and reduce your fears. If you are positive, well early treatment can give you a long life. However, most if you are negative then that weight is lifted and you can go on with your life making sure you stay that way. It's just that simple.

Now some people have said to me, I"'m not in that kind of relationship. I'm monogamous. My partner will never be outside of our relationship." Well at the end of the day you don't know what the hell your partner is capable of. What you know is what they tell you and what you see. And you better hope that what they tell you is true. At the end of the day, if the penis is not in your pocket you have NO idea what it's doing.

Besides that, you don't know what your partner comes to the table with. To live in a world this arrogant and or naive is  dangerous. If you don't know your partner's HIV status then you don't know the most important thing you need to know about you or them.

Go Get Tested And Stop Playing!! Take your partner with you and if they don't love themselves enough to go with you, then they don't love themselves enough to be with you....

To Locate a Testing Site Click Here!

Guest Blogger: A Day In the Life When the Diva is Your Friend

Each morning that I wake up, my day is essentially my own.

 While I am a single parent who maintains full and complete custody of my teen son, I can pretty much dictate how I manage my day. I can take one pill or none. I can go to a doctor or not. Let me tell you, I loathe them and have not been all year. My extremely athletic child however recently suffered a concussion, but I think you get my drift here.

We are both healthy and I have Rae Lewis-Thornton to thank for that. Her sacrifice is on a daily basis. She has suffered, been scrutinized and had her most intimate details self-disclosed so that we, who are negative, can be free.

A Day In The Life of a Diva was not my first encounter with brave Rae's tale. I remember picking up that oh-so-famous Essence Magazine and thinking what is this beautiful creature sharing with us? What I read made my jaw drop. I was young and single but heterosexual. I did have many close friends in the gay community affected though and as result I was extremely sensitive to the cause. Never once was I made to think it would impact my health personally until Rae shared her tale.

From then on I was vigilant. My physician was reluctant, but I insisted on annual testing of all things related to my sexual health. Verbiage would surface like, “Have you been exposed? What makes you think you need all of this testing? Are you a IV drug user? Are you promiscuous?” Only with exasperation would they approve the blood tests which I just do not get! To this day! I am happy that I was insistent. Knowing saves lives! Being a responsible sexual partner is the only way.

Early in 1996 I delivered my first born child. I think it is profound that I am able to share raising my son with Rae, whom I now consider one of my dearest friends. She has NO idea how she impacted my life. She knows she sacrifices for the good of her community each and every day, but she does it so selflessly that I do not think she pauses to realize her impact. I owe my health, and that of my son whom she playfully refers to as Prince, to her message and her selfless living. I can only hope the little I have given to her since we met can give her a glimpse of my gratitude! June 27th will be National HIV Testing Day.

If you don't know your status go to this website: http://www.hhs.gov/aidsawarenessdays/days/testing/index.html #about for more information on testing in your area.

 Know your status! Knowing saves lives! Be responsible ~ your community thanks you.


Post Script: Dwana is a wonderful blogger. You can find her at Healthier, Happier, You!  You can follow her on Twitter also...