Charlie Sheen: And This Is What I Think!!

When actor Charlie Sheen said, "I'm not living in that prison anymore" I felt that deep in my soul.  It resonated loud and clear. I kept my own HIV infection a secret for seven years. For Real! My first seven years I only told 5 people that I had HIV, other than the men I dated. And even then I was afraid that someone would take my information and sabotage my life working at the national level as a young savvy political organizer.  I can image that being blackmailed is crazy madness. So, yes I'm glad that Charlie Sheen made this decision to step outside of that madness and disclose his HIV status. I remember when I disclosed my HIV status, it felt like tons of bricks had been lifted off my shoulders...

 Now, I'm not sure what my readers and supporters want me to say about all of this, but as usual, I'm going to speak the truth as I see it and know it to be.

1) It is a SHAME that in 2015, thirty four years, yes I said 34 years after the first documented HIV cases by the Center for Disease Control that a person still lives in fear of disclosing their HIV status. When are we going to stop shaming people who are living with HIV? Huh? WHEN? Even now, everyone has a freaking opinion about what Charlie Sheen should have done with his life. HIS LIFE! I'm sadden, not just for Charlie, but for all the people who reach out to me daily via Social Media that are living with HIV and are afraid to disclose their HIV status for fear of judgement. I get it, just by watching the reaction to Charlie today.

This shamming has created a vicious cycle, especially when it comes to testing for HIV. Who even wants to know their status in this climate of judging and lack of compassion.  Testing is critical, because 38% of those newly infected with HIV are infected by someone who does not know that they have HIV. So people don't great tested because of fear of judgement and they infect others unknowingly. Learning your HIV status late also means that treatment comes late. This is sad because studies, show the earlier you know the longer you live.

Furthermore, the fact the Matt Lauer even asked Charlie how he contracted HIV is some 34 year old "Good AIDS" "Bad AIDS" crap. First off, it ain't none of your freaking business how! Does knowing how change how you feel about him?  If it does, shame on you. All it takes is one person, one time.

2. Charlie admits that he has had unprotected sex, but that his partner(s) knew that he was HIV positive and was also under his doctor's care. People seemed to be outraged by this fact, like they fucking Charlie. *Blank Stare*  The problem I see is not Charlie, but the mass majority have not caught up with the medical advancements around HIV.

a) It is true that an HIV infected person with an Undetectable Viral load CANNOT infect another person with HIV. It does not matter, how many times they have unprotected sex, you cannot transmit HIV when your Viral Load is Undetectable.

b) Charlie said that his partner was also under his doctor's medical care. So I am assuming that just maybe the person (s) he was having unprotected sex with was also taking PrEp. Which is a once a day pill that will PREVENT a person from becoming HIV infected. That's a double positive people. You cannot infect a person if your viral load is undetectable and your partner can also take PrEp. These are medical FACTS! There is no BUT!

3) Charlie admitted having sex with prostitutes and in those cases he used a condom and also disclosed his HIV status. BRAVO! Now, I know people with HIV who use a condom  100%,  but do not disclose their HIV status. They feel, if their viral load is undetectable, why should they  have to disclose.  There are now doctors who share this same opinion. Personally, I think disclosure is the best policy, especially if the relationship grows. But at the end of the day everyone has to decide how they choose to live their life with HIV. I dare not judge another. So I say BRAVO that Charlie was upfront and honest.

Now, what's really jacked up in this case, is that someone took the information given to them for there protection and used it against him. Even sadder, is the climate  around HIV that creates an opening for someone to be blackmailed. If people didn't judge those living with HIV so harshly, those living with HIV wouldn't be afraid to disclose, nor would there be any room to blackmail a person. Yep, I came full circle back to STIGMA!

4) I cannot tell you where Charlie is in disease progression.  If I had known his T-Cell Count and his Viral Load when he was first diagnosed, I could give you a good guess on how long he has actually been infected. Once you start treatment, there is no way for a lay person to figure it out. That is information he and his doctor knows. I do wonder about the night sweats, which sounds like an AIDS Related medical issue, rather than an HIV. There are no HIV symptoms.

These are the facts as told by Charlie,

He has been infected at least 4 years
He is in treatment
His viral Load is Undetectable
He is on an 4 HIV medicine Cocktail ( BTW-So Am I)

5) Charlie is an addict. Addiction is not good for people living with HIV. First off, addiction has it's own medical issues, depending on your drug of choice. Secondly, alcohol and drugs can have an adverse effect on HIV medication. Even some over the counter  and alternative medications can effect the viability of HIV medication. So lets hope he is getting the help that is needed to control addiction.

6) Charlie talked about Manic behavior. It has been long speculated that he might be BiPolar. IF this is the case he will have an up hill battle. Mental illness can be a barrier to complying with medical treatment of any kind. Also, depression is very common among people living with HIV. I have also had an up hill battle with depression that requires me to both be medicated and see regular talk therapy.

Lastly, should he have disclosed, earlier. I think a person should disclose when they are ready. He spoke another truth "HIV are three words that are hard to absorb." I get that. It took me 7 years and I still only disclosed because I thought that I was dying. Well with a T-Cell count of 8 I was, but then I had a great doctor and I did what was asked of me, no matter how difficult it was. I have also been drug and alcohol fee.

I have some compassion for Charlie Sheen. Is he my hero, no. Hydeia Broadbent is my HIV hero, born with HIV, she became an AIDS Activist at age  6 and has not stopped well into her thirties. Sheryl Lee Ralph is my HIV activist hero, an actress who is NOT infected but made a decision to do speak out for the rejected and locked out.  YOU are my hero, those of you who follow me on my social media sites, read my blog, buy my bracelets because your support keeps me going, and growing, 32 years living with HIV.

I do however, think in an era where HIV is no longer a sexy topic, Charlie Sheen can help to open space for new dialogue. Charlie Sheen can use his money and his celebrity status to help. I mean really help. Does he have to become an AIDS Activist per say, no, but he can truly help. Shoot, I would love to partner with Charlie to speak at colleges across this country.

For sure there is still work to be done. Every 10 minutes a person becomes infected with HIV in the United States. Yes there is work to be done.

My hope is that Charlie Sheen will continue to get the needed help to live and thrive living with HIV.

People Always Trying To Tell Me That God Can Heal Me of AIDS

People are always asking me do I think that God can heal me of AIDS... Here's my answer

I don't hate much but it's safe to say I HATE it when people start their conversation with me, "The Lord told me to tell you." Call it what you want: arrogance, Christian elitism, whatever! But this strong feeling of dislike became worse after I went public with AIDS. Everybody had the solution to my problem. Often they’d start the sentence with, "You know the Lord can heal you of AIDS."

Many times they'd come rushing up to me after I finished speaking with their revelation. I’d stand there graciously, but what I really wanted to do was scream at the top of my lungs.

I know, I know. I sound like one ungrateful woman. I do understand that they are only trying to help ease my pain. But curing me? Gee, thanks. Don't judge me first, just try living in my shoes and see how YOU WOULD FEEL. In the early days of my ministry, I became really frustrated with people telling me what God could do for me, like they knew this for sure. I read the same Bible. And now, having gone to seminary and earned a Master of Divinity Degree, I detest it even more. I mean, why do you think that I don’t already know about faith? My life is an example of faith, don't you think?

But in those earlier days of my popularity, so many people approached me about being healed that I started to wonder, “Had I missed something in my Christian walk?” Just the thought of it bothered me. With all the experts I had encountered on my miracle, I thought that maybe I was doing something wrong. So like with most things, I took my concern straight to the source. I started to have long conversations with God about it all. It went something like this:

“Hello God, these people say that you can heal me of AIDS. So, what do I have to do to get this particular miracle? I mean, they keep quoting the scripture, “Ask and you shall receive.” (Mat 7:7) I asked, but I still have AIDS. Do I need pray a certain way, or at a certain time, maybe like Hannah at the altar?” (1 Sam 1-20) No joke, sometimes you just have to lay it out to God, and I did.

It was all so maddening. I know that there are miracles in the Bible of both the prophets in the Old Testament and Jesus in the New Testament. And that made matters worse. With my all Biblical knowledge and people pushing their faith onto me, I was frustrated. One day a person even told me, “You should stop taking your HIV medication so when the Lord heals you, people will really believe that the miracle was of God.” I stood there with a blank look on my face. “I don’t think so buddy!!!!” is what I wanted to scream at him. So, I kept talking to God, waiting on the answer. I even changed my prayer. “Lord, just give me something to say to these people about my healing.” 

Then people started to cure me in my mail. I received 25 copies of this little booklet, "By His Strips We Are Healed". I screamed, "Pleeeease GOD tell me what I’m missing." And that wasn’t the half of it. I received long letters with Scripture I was instructed to repeat every day, tapes, oil and prayer clothes. People were determined to heal me anyway they could.

Then one day after what seemed like an eternity, God gave me the answer I had been seeking. I was in Washington, DC speaking at a church. That particular night, there was a lot of press covering me.

No sooner than I laid the mic down, a woman rushed up to me, "You know the Lord can heal you of AIDS." I got that look on my face, “Here we go again.” I stood as she rambled and rambled on. "And it would be an awesome thing. With all these TV cameras and the press you get, you could go around the world and tell people how wonderful God is because He healed you of AIDS!" In an instant God spoke to my spirit, "I am a wonderful God, even if I never heal you of AIDS!" The testimony is: Hallelujah anyhow!

WOW! I was so overwhelmed tears starting streaming down my face. Of course the woman thought that her prophecy had moved me to tears. But it was nothing short of God sitting center stage in my spirit giving me with the answers that I had longed for. The easiest testimony on the planet is when God has done the thing you most wanted in your life. But can you love God in the midst of your pain? Can you love and praise Him when you are bearing your cross? I understood that day that my love for God was not predicated on my healing from AIDS. God is wonderful and sovereign without the extra that He gives to us.

Back to the healing, I had missed it all along. The miracle wasn’t the thing that people had been trying to force on me, but something even greater. In some ways, healing me of AIDS was an EASY testimony, almost expected of God. But living with AIDS was an INCREDIBLE testimony. God gave me the greatest gift of all: the ability to live and thrive with an illness that should’ve taken me out of here many a day. And believe me when I say I should’ve died 16 years ago.

When I made a transition to AIDS 19 years ago, the life expectancy was 3 years. And before advancement in treatment, I was staring death in the face. My t-cell count was 8, my viral load was 397,000, I was a size 0. You could see how frail I was in every picture that was taken of me back then. There is no doubt, my health was failing.

I had 3 bouts of PCP, the number one infection, at the time, that killed people with AIDS. You cannot tell me that I am not a walking miracle. I get it! I also get that we spend so much time expecting God to do what we want, we miss the wonderful things that He has done. I’m content with the miracle of my life. So what if it’s a hard life, He continues to give me all the tools I need to maneuver through the wilderness.

PostScript: By the way, God didn’t heal everyone. The Apostle Paul is one clear example. Paul had a thorn in his flesh. He asked God to heal him three times and each time God said, “No!” Christians are quick to quote from this text that the Lord told Paul, “My Grace is sufficient.” But God also told Paul,”My strength is made perfect in your weakness.” I know from this that when I am at my lowest point, God will do His best work. (2 Cor 7-10)

2013 Post Script: Repost... One of the Firs Blogs I wrote.... As of 2013 I've lived with HIV for 30 years and AIDS for 21.... I know that I know that I am a walking miracle...

Are you Kidding Me? More Questions: HIV, Sex and Dating

Here we go again. Remember the friend of a friend who felt that I was not being forthright about my dating life before I discovered that I was HIV positive? Remember she says, “My point is there are still major gaps in what she chooses to disclose and reflect on.” I told her to bring on the questions and I’d answer them as best as I can. While I felt some of the questions were none of her business, I also felt as if I had to do this. I choose to make my life public and I see this as a teaching moment. Some of the questions have already been addressed publicly, but she has never heard me speak and I realize that there may be more of my readers in her shoes. So here ya go... More questions and answers...

How did she determined who infected her? When I learned that I was HIV positive, I was shocked. We didn't know much about HIV back then and I was referred to the National Institutes of Health for a study on HIV. Based upon everything they knew back then, the doctors had a list of standard questions to help you determine the source of your infection. They were: 1) Have you ever used intravenous drugs? No, in fact, I have been both drug and alcohol free my entire life... For Real; 2) Have you ever had a blood transfusion or used blood products? No; 3) Have you ever been tattooed? No; 4) Have you traveled to Africa in the last six months to a year? No; 5) Have you had sex with a man who was gay or bisexual? No, not to my knowledge; 6) Have you had sex with someone who currently lives in Africa or has traveled to Africa? Yes, was the answer to that question. I had been intimate with an incredible man from Guinea Bissau. We met abroad and spent time together whenever he visited the United States. After monthly letters for years, we had lost contact. So for a while, I believed him to be the source of my infection. I started to believe that maybe he had stopped writing because maybe he was very ill or dead.

Then a few years after my diagnosis I had a partner die from complications related to AIDS. A light went off in my head. I was devastated to learn this fact. The time line seemed right. WOW! I had learned by chance the source of my infection. And believe me when I tell you, he was not on my short list of possibilities. (As I indicated earlier in this series, I will disclose his name only in my memoir). As of today, I have not had another partner die from complications related to AIDS. The African brother, in doing research for my memoir, I discovered was alive and doing well. In fact Guinea Bissau has a low HIV infection rate compared to some other African countries.  

How many people had she been with between being infected and finding out---Did she have to contact anyone after the fact? I was blown away by this freaking question. I mean damn why does she want to know how many men I have had sex with? What's the fucking point? To determine whether or not I was a hoe?
A legitimate question could have been: Do you think you infected anyone between the time you were actually infected to the time you learned you were infected? Why is the number so important to her? I have asked myself over and over. It seems to me, if you've been following the series, the questions that she asks are loaded.  She seems to think that I am hiding something. Or that I’m not the person I claim to be. Well, I am who I am. A strong black woman who has tackled HIV/AIDS head on! There is no trick to it. I made a choice to have sex and it left me with HIV. I've taken ownership of my culpability in my HIV infection. I wake to that demon every single morning!

But I will tackle this: I believe that I was infected in 1983, I donated blood in the spring of 1986, that donation determined my HIV status. So there was a three year window from the time I was infected to the time that I discovered my infection. When I first learned of my HIV status, I actually called ex-boyfriends. But generally speaking, I couldn't imagine anyone that I had been intimate with being HIV infected. Most everybody believed at that time that this disease was limited to white, gay men and IV drug users. I dated what I believed to be the cream of the crop. Nowhere in my wildest imagination would I think that someone I would be intimate with could have HIV. But I called most everyone I could locate. No one admitted that they were infected with HIV. That is a fact that still remains to this day. I have had only one partner that I know of to have HIV and he died years ago. This means I have pinpointed the source of my HIV infection and it confirms that I have not infected any one.

Are You Kidding Me? More Questions: HIV, Sex and Dating

Here we go again. Remember the friend of a friend who felt that I was not being forthright about my dating life before I discovered that I was HIV positive? Remember she says, “My point is there are still major gaps in what she chooses to disclose and reflect on.” I told her to bring on the questions and I’d answer them as best as I can. While I felt some of the questions were none of her business. I also felt as if I had to do this. I choose to make my life public and I see this as a teaching moment. Some of the questions have already been addressed publicly, but she has never heard me speak and I realize that there may be some more of my readers in her shoes.  So here ya go... More questions...

She doesn't talk about her partner at the time:
There are many reasons that I have not talked publicly about the person I believe to have infected me with HIV. For one, I guarded his privacy and in some ways mine. (I talk about the reasons in my book.) But most important, I just wasn't emotionally at a place where I wanted to share many of the details. However, when I was writing my memoir for Hyperion Publishers, I had to face this head on. As part of the book deal, I had to explore the intimate details of my relationship with him, which I did. Thoroughly! I left no stone unturned! For Real...

How long were they together?
We were together for four months. I moved out of town for a job. And that job required a lot of travel and the distance ended the relationship.

What kind of relationship did they have?
I’m not sure the root of this question. Like, was it a one night stand?  Is that what’s really being asked? NEVER!!! It was not casual in my eyes. He was the only person that I was seeing at the time. In my memoir I talk about this pretty extensively.

How did they meet? 
Ahhh... We met at this private party that was very chic and upscale. And he was a freaking catch!! For Real.... So I thought and so did every other woman in the room.

What type of man was he, was he using drugs, gay, bisexual, etc.?
I also wondered why this answer is important. What does it really matter at the end of the day. He still infected me and who he was will not change that fact. But hey, I’m a trouper, let's go there.

First: He was one of the most handsomest African-American men I have ever known.
Second: He was a millionaire.
Third: He was very accomplished.
Fourth: He was one of the sharpest dressers I have ever known.
Fifth: He was brilliant. OMG! He could talk to you about any subject, any time and any place. That's one of the things I loved most about him. We would talk for hours and hours.

Drugs: I had never seen him use drugs.

Gay/Bisexual: I had never seen him with another man nor has his reputation in all these years suggested that he was anything other than heterosexual. If you want to know how he became infected? I have no idea....

At the end of the day, it does not matter for either of us. AIDS took his life and, unless I get hit by a truck, it will do the same to me. All I can do now is accept that I made a choice to have sex and that has left me fighting for my life, for the rest of my life. Like with most women infected through heterosexual contact, what we thought we knew is often derailed by our HIV status. The only thing that will keep a woman safe from HIV is either no sex or sex with a condom. It does not really matter to me who or what he was because it can never change the fact that he infected me and I had a choice.

By the way, 30% of all newly diagnosed cases of HIV are people infected by people who didn't know their HIV status. Getting tested will go a long way in HIV prevention. For Real... For Real...

Post Script: Yes, I have a Healthy Vagina! Part Three is coming next week. I promise. I was on the road speaking and didn't have the time to sit down and really give it all that it required.

Are You Kidding Me? HIV, Sex and Dating

Are you freaking kidding me was my first response, then anger, then an overwhelming sadness. That’s what I felt when I read the list of questions that had been sent to one of my close friends from one of her friends about my dating life. It is the same exact feeling I had when I was attacked on the blog a month ago. Or when the young man at a private school asked me 15 years ago, did I think God was punishing me because I had premarital sex. I don’t know who this person is and I want it kept that way. For Real... For Real...

But she apparently has been reading my blog because of my girlfriend since I launched it. Thank you!! My girlfriend had said to me that this person felt that I was not addressing the things that I should on my blog. My first response was gee it’s only nine weeks old. I do have AIDS and need to balance my life and health with the blog. Can’t talk about everything in nine weeks. And like with most bloggers I write where the spirit leads. But that was cool too. It seemed to me that some of the questions she asked were very old school AIDS judgmental. But at the core, I felt like she was telling me that because I had not directly answered these questions in my blog posts that I was being superficial or hiding something. Whether she meant it or not, it’s what I felt.

Now anyone who has ever read an article on me, heard me speak or listened to an interview knows that this isn't the case. In fact, I get tons of criticism about being so freaking candid and transparent. But she states: “my point is there are still major gaps in what she chooses to disclose and reflect on.” I don’t know a whole lot of people who have ever been as open and honest about their life as me. I wonder sometimes do I tell to much? I have given so much of myself to the public that maybe I have no expectations for privacy. Is there a private place or space for me, or did I give that up the day I appeared on the cover of Essence and the countless other magazines.

But anyway I got over myself and asked my girlfriend to have her friend send a list of things she wanted to know. I see it as a teaching moment. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not mad, well not anymore. If I'm truly honest, I just didn’t see the point in it all. But I’m a trooper and I want people to learn as much as they can about HIV/AIDS. So over the next month I will answer all of her questions. It fits perfectly with the current series I’m doing on sex, dating and HIV.  If she keeps reading, which I hope she does, she may not always like my answer. But it’s what I have to say.

Many of the things she wanted to know, I have already addressed in some way publicly but she has never heard me speak and there may be others out there who read my blog that have some of the same questions so I will do what I can. That’s only fair. But, some of the questions are reserved for the book deal. Those reserved for the book deal will be just that (which by the way, is a tell ALL book). For Real...

 I learned a long time ago to face my critics head on. I take all of my hits standing and I never fall down. At the end of the day, after you’ve done all you can... You Just Stand!! I choose to do it wearing lipstick, St. John, Christian Louboutins and eyelash extensions. And I have no apologies for it... It is what it is...

First question: “She doesn't talk about her partner at the time.” (This category had a ton of subquestions that I will address individually.) “How did she determine who it was that infected her?”

ANSWER:  I donated blood in the winter of 1986. In 1987, the Red Cross diagnosed me with HIV. When I first discovered my HIV status, I was in a relationship with a guy. We had been using condoms so I know he didn't infect me or I him. I have also said this in Essence magazine and actually in an earlier blog. Side note: This was still very early in the HIV/AIDS ependemic, so I had actually started using condoms early. The problem was, I was already infected.

After I learned my HIV status, I called ex-boyfriends, but no one admitted that they had infected me. For a long time, I use to call once a year to see who was living or dead. Eventually, I did have a partner die from HIV. His name is reserved for the book deal. Since his death, I have had no other partners to my knowledge die from AIDS. So that’s how I determined who infected me. More answers will come. That's a promise...

Get Over it Rae!!

When I woke up this morning I was so fatigued that I didn't want to get my ass out of bed. It was one of those days when AIDS took center stage. The fatigue that I experience from AIDS feels like I have been walking around with sandbags in my Chanel handbag, in Jimmy Choo stilettos no less. I laid there frozen in my fatigue. "Not Today God!" I cried. Yes, I have been working like a mad lady, but there is still so much work to do be done. "I need energy," I mumbled to God. I started to feel overwhelmed and depression started to set in. If I hadn't made this choice with my life 27 years ago, I wouldn't be experiencing this right now. I took a deep breath and fought back the tears. In my despair, Superwoman kicked in. I centered myself. "Get Over it Rae!" I demanded. "God has blessed you beyond your own understanding."

Yes, God has blessed me and these past two weeks are a clear example. They have been nothing short of  AMAZING. I launched my blog with the help of Luvvie @ www.awesomelyluvvie.com, it is fast becoming a success because all of you are dropping in. I am featured in the March 15th issue of Jet with an update on my life. I helped Ebony launch their faith section in their April issue. Both are on stands now.

Yes, the list of how God has blessed me and my ministry recently goes on. Yesterday, I launched a monthly column on HIV/AIDS and wellness in the South Suburban News online newspaper. My Spring and Summer collection of bracelets are at the photographers. I partnered with the beautiful AIDS Activist Hydeia Broadbent to design an AIDS Awareness bracelet celebrating her life and work. www.rltcollection.com. I started a Facebook Fan Page less than three weeks ago and to my amazement I have over 1600 fans (join!). I am being honored for my work and commitment to HIV/AIDS on March 25th by a wonderful group of young African-American women who run The Red Pump Project. I am so excited! I hope you all in the Chicago area will come.

Even my overall health is good. After just completing (a week ago) four long weeks of IV medication, 2 times a day, 2 hours a drip, I was able to beat this nasty little infection, with no permanent damage from the side-effects of the medicine. Yes, God has blessed me beyond my own understanding.  What the hell do I have to complain about? Get over myself is right! Yes, I crawled my ass out of my bed. I will not let AIDS wins!  Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever!!

God has taken my mess and made it a message, next to life, this is the ultimate blessing. Each morning I wake,  no matter the condition, I know that I am still an apart of God's Earthly Plan. I will not squander the gift of life.... It  is the ULTIMATE blessing from God!!!

Welcome to a Diva Living With AIDS Blog

Welcome to my blog, Diva Living With AIDS. As the first African-American woman with AIDS to tell my story on the cover of a national publication, I have spent the last sixteen years sharing my life, style, hopes, dreams and disappointments across the United States and even abroad. I never wanted to be a public person. I simply wanted to help bring about change.

As a young woman, I designed a wonderful plan for my life and by the time I was 23, I was half way there. As a national political organizer, with eyes on the White House, I served as the National Youth Director for Rev. Jesse L. Jackson's 1984 and 1988 Presidential Campaigns. I sat in strategy meetings with great minds such as, Alexis Herman, Secretary of Labor and Dorothy Height, the founder of the National Council of Negro Women. My plan was shaping up and I knew that this steady course would, sooner or later, guarantee me a position on a presidential campaign that was promised to win. And if I were smart enough and driven enough, which I was, this direction would guarantee me a position as, White House Staff.

During this same period as an up and coming political operative in Washington, HIV was also emerging on the scene. This mysterious virus literally scared the mess out of people. So much so, that once people discovered HIV was blood born, the number of blood donations dropped drastically. When I heard the nonsense, I thought it was crazy! People actually believed that they could contract HIV, if they donated blood. In my attempt to combat the madness I organized a blood drive in the winter of 1986. The previous year, they had just patented the HIV antibody test and all donated blood was now being tested for HIV.

A few months after the blood drive, I received a letter from the American Red Cross. I assumed it was a thank you and laid it on my counter. Later that evening, I nonchalantly opened the later telling me that something was wrong with the blood that I had donated. The next morning I went to the Red Cross and they told me I was HIV positive. I didn't know on that day, but my whole world changed right before my eyes. I was so naive that day, I completed a 12-hour workday. The years following my diagnosis, I peacefully coexisted with HIV. It didn't bother me and I didn't bother it. I wasn’t sick so I stayed my course. My plan was looking more successful each day. Little did I know, it was inevitable, I would make a clinical transition to AIDS.

AIDS disrupted my world and shattered my dreams into a million little pieces, but God picked up those pieces and reshaped the direction of my life. After living in shame and secret with HIV for almost seven years, I couldn't continue to carry a weight so heavy. I let go! I started to tell my friends and political family that I had AIDS. It felt like tons of bricks had been lifted off my shoulders. I got a new walk and a new talk. Things were looking up, but AIDS was unkind and it started to ravage my body and spirit. I went from 3 pills a day to 23 pills. I went from a size 12 to a size 6 in six months. I started to have back-to-back yeast infections and 21-day menstrual cycles. I became clinically depressed, and cried all day, every day. Things were looking gloomy, but God’s plan never fails. Within a year I started speaking locally about my life living with AIDS and six months after that, Susan Taylor asked me to grace the cover of Essence Magazine in a cover story Facing AIDS.

That Essence article placed me on a course of no return and pushed me into the national arena, as one of the most visible African-American AIDS activist in the United States. I was never much of a public speaker, but I had lots to say. I earned the reputation of being raw, candid, forthright and honest. The fact that I met none of the stereotypes of people living with HIV was appealing to both the masses and the media. I used that fact to affectively to challenge stereotypes and myths surrounding HIV/AIDS.

AIDS has been the catalyst that opened doors and drew people to me. This Blog is an extension of who I am and what I stand for. It is just another vehicle to give voice to my ministry.

A Diva Living With AIDS blog will be true to the essence of my work and life as a woman. I will educate and inform through my eyes and life. Like in the past, I will address a gamut of issues including: HIV/AIDS, childhood sexual abuse, dating, overall health, politics, and of course beauty, Diva style. I am not limiting myself to one genre; the sky is the limit. I made a promise sixteen years ago that I would be a voice for the voiceless, face for the faceless, bring hope to the hopeless and tear down barriers and stand with DIGNITY, as a Woman living with AIDS. This Blog is another way for me to keep this promise. I am not a professional writer, just a Diva Living with AIDS and having her say.

So SUBSCRIBE, leave comments, and enjoy.