Shaming Around HIV/AIDS is a MOTHERFUCKER!

I'm taking a break from work over the Holiday, but I felt in my spirit that I needed to address this before the year is out! The month of January on this blog will be about being your best you! So I needed to say this now because some shit I just don't want to take with me into 2013!

I am so bothered by the stigma and shaming around HIV/AIDS! It is an absolute MOTHERFUCKER! It is crazy that in 2013 someone can spread rumors and use the POSSIBILITY of someone having HIV/AIDS against them. It speaks loud and clear toward the attitudes that people have not only about this disease, but the people who have it. And I'm going on record, I will stomp that shit out every time it comes to me.

It came to me on yesterday A male friend who I have become friendly with, "talking," to, whatever you want to call it, told me that a family member of there's is spreading the rumor that he has HIV and that's the reason he wants to be with me.

Now this person is spreading this rumor to hurt both of us I'm sad to say. Now, I don't much really care because what I know for sure, whatsoever a person sows that shall they also reap. But I'm not so super saved that I can't see a situation or a person for what they are. A narcissistic, sociopath is just that and they spend most of their life trying as best as they can to wreck havoc over a persons life that they cannot control! That's a fact! I'm NOT CONTROLLABLE another FACT! 

So in this blog post, I'm not focused on that issue or that person. I'm just going to put her ass in a box and throw some Holy Oil her way and say a Prayer. When someone shows you who they are, you better believe that shit, or you deserve whatever they bring your way.

What I really want to unpack is this. Yes, on one level it's some wild, mean and crazy shit that a person would try to destroy another person by saying that they have AIDS, when in fact they do not. But it's an entirely other issue when a person can actually use that against someone. It says something about the person who is listening to the gossip. It speaks to small minds. The fact that HIV/ADS can be used against someone speaks to how people feel about HIV and the people who have it.

Now, If someone told me that a family member or someone I knew close to me had AIDS. First off, I would stop them in their messy shit right there! Especially if they bring it to me wrap around bullshit. Bullshit is what it is, and when you participate you stink up your life too.  For example, recently, I was talking to a mentee about this guy that was trying to,"talk" to her and as soon as she added the business of another woman in the equation, I STOPPED her. I said," I don't want to hear that shit, it's none of my business or yours."

Secondly, that's not your information to tell!  How dare you?

And how the fuck do you know? Have you seen an HIV test result? Have you been spying on them when and with whom they fuck? Are you assuming it because they like someone with HIV?

Or are you mad because the infected person don't want to fuck you? It's like the boy in high school that spreads the rumor that a girl is a whore, because she won't give them the time of day.

Thirdly, lets take it to the next level, I would say, so fuckin what? Why are you telling me this; so that WE can help them or is this information sharing to create messy shit? And why would you create messy shit for someone you claim that you love?

And why do YOU believe them? Because they are smart and nice? Well, all sociopaths are. Ted Bundy was a raising star in the Republican Party and was killing women for fun. That's what they do, live, excellent, high functioning lives, but try to control everything and everyone around them. Sometimes with gifts, other times with their mouth and quiet charm. Everything they do is about control, everything is about them, even when they are trying to say it's about you, every word out their mouth is for them. You can't see pass narcissistic, charm, but you can EXAMINE YOUR damn self!  

You need to check yourself! Why is this information juicy to me? What am I going to do with it and why?

The only conversation I MIGHT have  depending on how they bring it to me, is how are we going to help them? How are we going to support them and make life better for them? Not use it as a tool against them to keep shit going.

A person can only use HIV/AIDS against someone, if YOU feel a certain way about HIV and people with HIV. If you see HIV as ugly, rather than a health issue that needs support, then the information becomes  one of accusatory... Accusation....

The fact of the matter, accusatory and accusation mode is some uneducated, antiquated shit. We are 33 years into the AIDS pandemic. There have been so many medical advances around HIV/AIDS. There is so much knowledge, too much, for someone to still be operating in the ugly with HIV. Get the hell out of is a time capsule and advance your thinking with technology.

ME! See Fine!

A family member asked my friend would they actually have sex with me? And he said yes because he has EDUCATED himself on HIV/AIDS.

He knows that a latex condom used 100% of the time correctly prevents the spread of HIV.

Yes, because the chance is about 3% that an HIV infected person who takes their medication and who have a non-detectable viral load, (ALL of which I have) would infect that person, EVEN IF we DON'T use condoms.

Yes, because a non-infected person can actually take the newly approved Truvada and it would give even extra assurance of preventing a person from contracting HIV.

Me! See Fine!

Yes, because I'm an educated, beautiful, compassionate, loving, woman who loves God! Yes, because he does not live in the spirit of discrimination and judgment but God's love. 

Yes, because I have done more with my life these 30 years with HIV then some people without HIV.

Yes because I have 27 years of education, gifted, anointed, smart, with a wonderful spirit and fine ass shit.. Just look at my pictures if you are confused on that fact! With AIDS, I'm still a BAD BITCH! Don't be confused! Nor am I ashamed of who I am, what I have, or how I use my life to help others.

The shaming around HIV/AIDS is mad! The fact is, we are a few days from 2013, this is NOT 1994 when I first got married and people believed and gossiped that my ex-husband must have HIV because he married me. He did not have HIV and to assume that I should not be loved because I have HIV is some cold hearted shit or to assume that the only person who would want me is someone with HIV is some narrow minded shit.

NO make-up and still Fine!

SHAMING around HIV/AIDS is mad! This kind of narrow minded was also a fact,  interestingly, when I divorced my ex-husband 15 years ago. Women wanted to know why would I leave a man who was willing to marry me with AIDS, as to say, "You know you ain't gonna get anyone else."

Why?  Because his ass was cheating; because his ass had stop speaking and was spending MY money on women; because he wanted to push! My mama beat my ass ain't no man gonna do it! Simply stated, I am NEVER going to let HIV run my life to the extent that I make unhealthy choices for myself. AIDS had not killed me, I wasn't going to let my ex-husband kill me either. So I divorced him.

But don't be confused, finding a sexual partner has been the least of my problem. Men are willing to fuck me! I have even had men with girlfriends and wives want to fuck. Yep, finding someone to fuck me is the least of my problems. My problem is that single men don't want anyone to know they fucking me because of what YOU may think of them for wanting to be with me.  SHAMING around HIV/AIDS is mad! I actually honor my friend that sees me for  the wonderful woman that I am, and is NOT ashamed of me nor afraid of me because they live in an educated understanding of HIV/AIDS.

NO SHAME! 

And be CLEAR I decided about 10 years ago, if you can't walk with me in the park in the delight, you can't have no pussy in the dark! So if their was some shame, he would not have gotten pass the second conversation with me.

 I LOVE me more than having a man in my life at any cost! Bullshit ain't nothing.

This stigma and shaming around HIV has got to STOP! The fact that someone can even use HIV/AIDS as fuel against someone 33 years into this pandemic shows how far we have got to go! How do we call ourselves Christians and listen to gossip and then repeat that shit like you know it to be true. And then bring that madness to the person like the person who told you got some inside scoop on who they fuck and when. Child PLEASEEEEE

And for those who actually do have family and friends living with HIV/AIDS, why are you talking to everyone else about it but the person living with it? People need to get it together!  STOP the SHAMING! 

This Isolation has got to STOP! 

Stigma and shaming around HIV/AIDS is mad business and it creates an environment that keep BLACK folks with 52% of the HIV cases in the US and we are 12% of the population. It puts us in a position where we 

1) Don't get tested because of how we treat people living with HIV. Who would want to know their HIV status in a world where someone can use it against them?

2) We don't disclose our HIV status when we do know and that isolation leads to depression which leads to even more unhealthy behavior and or not taking care of themselves.

3) Because we don't get tested, we infect others. 38% of all new cases are people infected by people who did not know that they had HIV.

4) We don't get treated until we have already developed AIDS because we never got tested. Which means you can't benefit from early treatment and care. Fact; The earlier you know the longer you live!

5) And those who do know they are infected don't take there medication regularly and seek medication treatment because they don't want people seeing them take their medication or going into an AIDS clinic for why YOU may think of them!

Stigma and Shaming around HIV/AIDS has got to STOP! We are killing each other with our fucking mouths!!

Dejango Off The Chain! Movie Review!

Dejango Unchained was off the chain! OMG! It had good guys, villains, a damsel in distress, action and even some historical moments. I'm still trying to figure out the controversy around the movie. As an action movie, it was off the chain; a European and a slave teaming as Bounty Hunters, brilliant! There was NEVER a dual moment! As a historian, I loved the authenticity of the era.

1858 was the height of slavery, an Institution matured and perfected by time and practice. It was a way of life and the relationship of the slave and slave owner was complicated and complex at best. For sure this was great fiction story telling at its best with some intense and funny historical moments.

So how do I review this movie without giving away the full plot? Hummm, so in a nut shell Jamie Foxx is a slave, rescued to help a bounty hunter find three criminals that he can identify  (former slave overseers at his former plantation) When I tell you he was magnificent, I mean it. I fell in love with Jamie and started following him on a twitter and I follow almost no stars. LOL

For sure Jamie was a slave with the spirit of free man, as was he wife Bloomhilder, portrayed by Kerri Washington! She didn't have a lot of speaking parts, but every move she made was significant for her role as slave woman sold away from her man. This was a great historical truth! On many plantations marriage was not allowed and on those that were, the couples were separated at the drop of pin both as a way of punishment and other times because the owner needed quick cash.

STOP! Telling this story without giving away the plot of this action pack movie, with a new twist every minute is harrrdd. Ok, Leonardo DiCaprio portrayed Calvin Cotton a 3rd generation slave owner of one of the most powerful plantations in the country. The Cotton Planation is in the heart of the Delta, just outside of Greenville, Mississippi. The Delta by far had some of the most intrenched slavery of all the Southern states.

DiCaprio character was brilliant and so was his head slave Stephen portrayed by Samuel Jackson. By the way, their relationship was yet again another complex, hard to watch but historical truth. Don Johnson portrays yet again another cunning slave owner.

Last but not least, was the character Dr. Schultz, portrayed by German actor Christoph Waltz. His character was the most complicated to me and a living breathing dichotomy. It illustrates the complexity of moral/ethical issues. On the one level, Dr. Schultz has a sense of outrage around the degradation of slaves, but yet can shoot a wanted criminal without flinching for the bounty on their head.

Ok, so now that you have all of the main characters, here are some historical truths. Hot Boxes existed, blacks were called niggers, white people were not use to seeing a black man doing, "normal" things that whites did in the South like riding a horse, there were house slaves who had the best interest of the slave master, even at the expense of other slaves, not every white person supported slavery, most common among Europeans, who were themselves discriminated against, slave families were separated, there were brothels ran by slave owners, Mandigo fighting was apart of the Southern Culture, slaves did runaway over and over again, slaves were rented out to mine  companies for cheap labor, ummm the list goes on and on. The fact is, this was a action packed fiction movie, set in the backdrop of the height of slavery. I think it was a brilliant script.

Now some people are boycotting the movie because it says the word nigger I think 111 times.  Who counts? I'm not gonna debate the use of the term. Yes I use it, just like I use the word bitch. For me language is powerful, but for sure, context is everything. Someone tweeted one day that Dr. King would turn over in his grave with our use of the world.. Ummm so when he  (Dr. King) referred to Andrew Young as his, "Little Nigger," I wonder his context?

Well whether we like it or not, the use of the word nigger was actuate, historical writing. Blacks called each other nigger and for sure that's how whites referred to most blacks in common everyday conversation. A black person was not seen as human, well not like white people were human.  Calvin Cotton makes that point very well. White people of that era actually believed Cotton's analogy of submissive behavior. They needed to believe it, otherwise they had to address the hardcore moral and ethical dilemma of slavery.

My bottom line, this was a great movie! But if you can't stand blood you should pass because blood was the past time in this movie.. And yes Lawddd, I concluded that Jamie Foxx was sexy as all get out in this movie, he was the sexy, compassionate bad guy that was packing more than a gun, if you know what I mean!

Christmas Guide 2012! Dessert Teas to Compliment Your Holiday Dinner!

I know that cake looks good don't it? But you're thinking right about now, that you have eaten a ton and you don't really want to put on the extra pounds. Don't fret, have your desert in a Tea Cup!

Yep! There are some wonderful teas out there that will give you the same comfort as a piece of cake after you are done stuffing yourself with the meal course. Or you can forgo a large portion of desert and pair it with a delightful tea.

Here's my recommendations for desert teas to serve at your holiday dinner. At the top of my list is, Earl Grey! This is my favorite black tea hands down. Earl Grey is a British concept. They took a high quality black tea and added the flavor of bergamot oil. Now the French took it a step further and added lavender, which actually boost the bergamot flavor. Read my archive on Earl Grey Here! The Lavender Earl Grey I LOVE is from The London Tea Room. Try booth of these teas with a splash of cream or milk and it will boost the flavor even more. Black tea has caffeine so it will give you a boost.

Now if you want something that taste just like a dessert, at the top of my list is Teavana CoCoCarameal Sea Salt! I swear you will think this is cake or some decadent dessert. It's an herbal tea so there is no caffeine. It's made with sweet caramel, decadent chocolate, a hint of cream and a light sprinkling of sea salt. When I tell you this is delicious, I mean it. I checked today and they are having a sale on this particular tea.  Click Teavana

Next up, is also from Teavana and one of my favorite Oolong teas, Toasted Nut Brûlée.  This tea has less caffeine than a black tea because it has a different fermenting process. Click Here to watch my video about Tea groups from my archives.

Now I know you hear a lot about green tea and weight lost. But actually Oolong does a better job at boasting the Metabolism. This tea is made with roasted almonds, hazelnut, warm coconut, cinnamon and caramel. LOVE IT! Click Teavana

I would not dare forget chocolate! I tried this particular Talbott Tea for the first time a month ago at the World of Chocolate. I also met the owner Shane and he was a hoot. Chocolate Almond Allure is the perfect blend of black tea with chocolate (cacao nibs) and almonds to enhance the flavor, cause what chocolate without nuts. Click Here For Talbott Teas

So you don't want to drink your cake. You want a tea with the right amount of sweetness but with a edgy spice. I recommend Rooibos Vanilla Chai by the Premission Tree Company. This tea is the perfect blend of Masala Chai Spices, Red Rooibos and a hint of Vanilla. You don't like the the flavor of vanilla, no worries they have a regular Chai Rooibos. 

You should also follow them on Twitter because they are always tweeting special deals. Right now they have a 15% off coupon when you sign up for their emails. They also have great gift sets and oh yeah, their Mint Medley is my FAV peppermint tea.  Click Here for Persimmon Tree Tea

Now Sweet Simpllici Teas have a Chocolate Chip Chai!  Yes, Chi and Chocolate! But my favorite from Sweet Simpllici is their Berry Sleepy Herbal Tea. No it won't put you to sleep, but it sure will relax you from the madness that began early on Christmas morning. It's the perfect blend of hibiscus, roasted chicory root, boysenberries, lemon verbena leaf, cranberries, blackberry leaf and chamomile. Click Here For Sweet Simpllici 


Shut Up! See you can have dessert in a tea cup.
You just have to be willing to venture out. Now trying teas is trail and error. But you will never know, if you don't try. Do something different this year, introduce your guest to the wonder of tea. Yes!!! Tea With Rae is Back!! Weekly Reviews!!

You don't know how to brew loose tea, don't worry I've thought of everything. Watch my Video on how to brew Tea HERE!

Post Script: All of these are loose teas so you will need something to brew them with. First up for a simple cup of tea are tea balls. Now don't be confused, I'm recommending my hand made tea ball infuser Click Here

Buttttt okkkk... You can also use tea bags... They are great for the disposal of loose tea after infused. Yes I'm fancy, but honestly I use them too. Click Here. These are from Teavana, but any will do.

Also for the tea lover in your life this Teavana 12 Holiday Gift Set is perfect and it's on SALE! Click Here!