Monday Reflection: Get Out Of God's Way!

It is such a wonderful thing when God gives you a revelation that brings you extraordinary peace. That's what happened on this New Year's Eve to me. That day I did some of things that make me happy. I had afternoon tea with my girlfriend and fellow blogger Kim. She brought the cupcakes and I provided the tea. That evening I had a wonderful dinner at the Four Seasons Hotel and then I went to church. After church, I took a stroll down the Mag Mile, came home and took my baby girls for their last walk of the year. I had some bracelet designs floating around in my head so I worked on them until 12:00 am.

At midnight, I paused from my busyness to talk to God. As I was in mediation and prayer, I remembered the last New Year's Eve filled with turmoil. I said, "Thank You God for this New Year. Last year was filled with such chaos, hurt, and stagnation." And in that moment God spoke to my spirit, "My daughter, I removed the chaos from your life 25 days into the new year in 2010, it was you that held on to it."

My mouth fell open and I sat on my sofa in awe of God in this revelation. It was true, I had rejected my boyfriend's departure with all that I had. I knew in my heart that God had done for me what I was unable to do for myself, but I fought it with all of my might. I knew that he loved me dearly, but where he was in his life, our relationship couldn't flourish. I won't tell his story here, it's not mine to tell.

And so he made a decision to leave because his life was complicated. He needed to work life out for himself. I know he had to go because my life had become crazy. He became my life, all that I am disappeared into him. Someone told me one day, the person that you talk about the most, think about the most, is your God.

The three months we lived together, he became my God. My vision became obstructed by my own desires. I lost site of God's purpose for my life. I spent all my time trying to help him get to where God had intended for him rather than being where God had intended for me to be.

Those first two months after he left, I almost had a nervous breakdown. For Real! But God pulled me back. I started tweeting and blogging and that helped me to refocus. I began to see clearer more each day. And with that clarity, I reclaimed my own life's purpose. But honestly, my heart was still hurting. I spent the entire year hoping and praying that he would pull it together and walk right back in that damn door. But he never did. My aching heart affected my health. And the stress of it all ultimately created these ongoing stomach issues I've been having for 5 months.

WOW! Sitting there talking to God was such a revelation! And after I gathered myself, I then asked God for forgiveness. I had interfered with God's plan for my life out of my own selfish desires to be loved and to be in love. I used the free will God gave me in such a way that it led me down a path of heartache and stagnation. I know I'm not the only person that has done this, but maybe the only one bold enough to admit it publicly. On a side note, there's an African proverb that says, "He who conceals his disease cannot expect to be cured." Just Sayin!

Yep, there's someone else out there trying to hold on to what you should let go, looking at his/her Facebook page, making yourself crazy, and drawing out closure, and delaying your healing in the process. And, by the way, blocking the goodness from coming into your life.

Now let's be honest, we do this with relationships but we also do it in other areas of our lives: school, work, our projects, and even with friends. We hold on to dead weight like it's a million dollars, but really if we are honest, it's just some old ass rocks that serve no good purpose in our life. The good doesn't outweigh the bad but still we hold on to it for dear life. Remembering the little good and explaining away the bad with stupid rationalizations. It never stops. We want what we want rather than what God gives us. And sometimes we fight back and in the process get the beat down of our lives. Our happiness could have come a lot sooner, our wounds could have healed a lot quicker, but we got in God's way.

We hold on to what we should let go, and at the opposite end, we let go of what we should hold on to. Sometimes we let go because the dream isn't actualizing soon enough. We surrender too damn soon! In this microwaveable society, we forget that God's time is not our time. God's ways are not are ways. Yes, the fact that God has given us free will has complicated matters a great deal. We make choices every day out of our own selfishness. We jack our own self up, not God. God wants the best for us and opens those doors for us to go through. But we interfere with what God has planned for us. And when you are not on one accord with God's purpose for your life, your life does not flourish.

So my best advice as you go into 2011 is to get the hell out of God's way!