At midnight, I paused from my busyness to talk to God. As I was in mediation and prayer, I remembered the last New Year's Eve filled with turmoil. I said, "Thank You God for this New Year. Last year was filled with such chaos, hurt, and stagnation." And in that moment God spoke to my spirit, "My daughter, I removed the chaos from your life 25 days into the new year in 2010, it was you that held on to it."
And so he made a decision to leave because his life was complicated. He needed to work life out for himself. I know he had to go because my life had become crazy. He became my life, all that I am disappeared into him. Someone told me one day, the person that you talk about the most, think about the most, is your God.
Those first two months after he left, I almost had a nervous breakdown. For Real! But God pulled me back. I started tweeting and blogging and that helped me to refocus. I began to see clearer more each day. And with that clarity, I reclaimed my own life's purpose. But honestly, my heart was still hurting. I spent the entire year hoping and praying that he would pull it together and walk right back in that damn door. But he never did. My aching heart affected my health. And the stress of it all ultimately created these ongoing stomach issues I've been having for 5 months.
Yep, there's someone else out there trying to hold on to what you should let go, looking at his/her Facebook page, making yourself crazy, and drawing out closure, and delaying your healing in the process. And, by the way, blocking the goodness from coming into your life.
We hold on to what we should let go, and at the opposite end, we let go of what we should hold on to. Sometimes we let go because the dream isn't actualizing soon enough. We surrender too damn soon! In this microwaveable society, we forget that God's time is not our time. God's ways are not are ways. Yes, the fact that God has given us free will has complicated matters a great deal. We make choices every day out of our own selfishness. We jack our own self up, not God. God wants the best for us and opens those doors for us to go through. But we interfere with what God has planned for us. And when you are not on one accord with God's purpose for your life, your life does not flourish.
So my best advice as you go into 2011 is to get the hell out of God's way!