And other times someone hurts us unintentionally, they don't give us the answer we want to hear, or they say it in such a way that our demons take control. Yes, everyone has them, but we also have angels. One's life is filled with the good, the bad and even the ugly. And most of the day it dictates our behavior both good and bad.
Someone does a thing or says a thing that sets off every worst feeling that you have and you lash out. Yep, we may not always say it, but we act on it and before you know it you've kicked someone straight in the gut. And I gotta say it again, the first impulse is to lash back because you want them to feel a ounce of what you felt. But often times you simply want to stop hurting and you think lashing out is the way to achieve that goal. So the cycle of hurt people hurting continues to be KING.
So I asked the simple question, when does the cycle end? Or better yet how do we stop the cycle? I've given a lot of thought to it. At the core of it all is the demon that runs our life. At some point we must stop holding on to him like a crutch. Yep, we hold on; Stop lying! We hold on because in some ways it's the easiest thing to do, and in other ways it's all we know, and we know him best so it becomes our defense mechanism.
Oprah says often,when you know better you do better. But I think that's too simple. Knowing does not always translate into doing. Unhealthy cycles takes on a life of it's own and it requires work, painful work. Its like undoing years of learned behavior.
Unless you are a sociopath at their core, no one really wants to hurt someone they love and care for, so how do we change this? I don't have all the answers, but I will give a few ideas.
So why is it so hard for us to forgive for unintentional mumbled words? Why do we hold onto how we felt about the words? Why do we allow the words to control our very being? What will it take for us to say enough is enough. When will we at least start to take baby steps to make the change to live beyond our demons?
Has their action toward me been loving and caring? Is this thing I'm feeling worth hurting them because I'm hurting? The Bible says treat people how you want to be treated. Then ask yourself, is this how I want them to respond to me in the same situation ? And most fundamental, why do I feel this way over what they said or did to me? Why is it important to me?
Now of course some people hurt and it's the meanest shit on the planet. Now those people are a different kind. Those are the people you forgive, forget and keep it moving. Yep, when someone show's you who they are believe them. Don't explain it away nor make excuses, just keep it moving or keep getting hurt. That's what we often do in relationships and by the time we leave, we are bitter and mad. When you could have left at any point.
It's up to us to stop the cycle of hurt hurting hurt...