I've had lovers that could make my body sing at a high pitch, and that's a fact! But in time, after the sex was over, they made me feel unsure and out of control and crazy; But back then, I hung on to the ugly like gorilla glue.
I'm just being honest here; Only when you are honest with yourself can you truly be a better you. Yep, I thought sex was love and the better the sex the more I thought I loved him. You couldn't tell me nothing! Not a damn thing! That man was the best thing since sliced bread, but then the bread molded and I was left with some stanky shit.
I remember when I first came to the realization that in my life time, I actually had sex with a man with the hope that he would love me. I said to my therapist in a session one day, "I've only had sex with men I loved." He looked me straight in the face and said, "That's not true." Of course I gave him that indigent look, like who the hell do you think you are coming to me like that. But he stood his ground, he said, "Yes, you had sex with men you loved, but you also had sex with men you wanted to love you. That day began my journey to healing a wound that had been left open and untreated for years.
Now don't be confused I love the company of a man, most women do if we're honest; And honestly, making changes in my life was hard. It was hard walking away from situations that left me lonely. But these situations didn't reflect the woman that God created me to be. I really wanted to do better, not just know better. Now don't be confused, me having HIV don't mean shit to men. I've had married men, men in and out of relationships that just wanted to fuck. Sexual partners coming out of my ears if I wanted them. But over time I came to understand there was no glory in the fact that a man wanted to fuck me even with AIDS.
So this journey of healing made me a better woman, one that I really liked. One that I could look in the face and smile. Now, ummm, I fell off the wagon a time here or there, but I always picked myself back up and started all over again; working on the woman God created me to be.
I've said it over and over again, no one will love you like you. When you start with self-love, you will choose dating situations that add value to your life rather than take away. You don't really need a person for sex, that is a fact, but you do need one for intimacy. I can light a thousands candles in my house and it will never render the type of intimacy you will have with a person.
But I will not sell my soul for intimacy. I will fuck my own self until the day I die, rather than fuck someone who does not honor the woman that God has made me to be. I will be lonely by my damn self rather than be in an unhealthy relationship. Each of us must decide what is best for us. I choose self love. What I know For Sure... Self-Love Is The Best Love!
Post Script: There is no sex worth your life.. Love yourself tonight, more than you love them... Use a condom...