Ideally, I would like to not have HIV/AIDS and all the health problems that are a result of my compromised immune system. Like for real, it would be a wonderful thing if God healed me from this ratchet illness, but that has not been my testimony.
My testimony is one as complicated as my life. I was sick enough that I should have died, but didn't. I have on-going health issues that does enough to become intrusive in my life at times; just enough to slow me down to a pace that is nothing close to what I consider normal; just enough to intrude on my work patterns; just enough to bring my dream making to a halt at times and the pace of a turtle at others; just enough to cause enough depression for me to say, enough is enough.
Yep, my testimony has been just enough pain to make me insane, yet through the madness I don't lose my mind; And with that, I keep moving in the direction of better. It seems lately, I've had a lot of the above mentions, those things of just enough to say, enough is enough.
|At the Infusion Center on Friday|
Now let me be clear. I have a separate infection of genital herpes that I got before HIV. Some stupid shit in college that I have openly admitted too. Over the years I was not really affected by herpes. I had an outbreak maybe once every 3 years. Then when I made an transition to AIDS 21 years ago the outbreaks became more frequently; about every 6 months or so. My doctor was able to get that under control and I was back to outbreaks once every 2- 3 years.
Then about 7 years ago herpes became my worst nightmare. As a result of AIDS Immune Reconstitution Syndrome (Read More on Immune Reconstitution) I got the most aggressive herpes outbreak ever. It was resistant to all oral and topical medications. It was as if the herpes was possessed or something. If I didn't know any better I would have said someone put some freaking voodoo on my clit. The only thing that will treat my herpes is an IV antiviral medication.
It is also true that people who have both HIV and Herpes can potentially have more aggressive herpes. Also, herpes is viewed as an opportunistic infection for people living with AIDS. (Read More on Opportunistic Infections) There are other forms of herpes that people with AIDS can get other than exposure to genital herpes. I've also had my share of that too. Herpes is no joke for people living with AIDS. Back in the day, CMV, another form of herpes, was causing people with AIDS to go blind. I should also go on record and say, if you have herpes your chances of becoming infected with HIV are medically higher.
|Mediport Drama! Top the first, bottom the second.|
The doctors at Intervention Medicine assured my doctor that I would have no problems with this new mediport. But that was not the case and that Sunday when the nurse placed the needle in my port and started the IV drip the pain was so bad that I almost fainted.
So my doctor started working on a plan B because for me, it's always about working toward Better.
They started me on antibiotics last Thursday. This has been a weird, crazy journey with mediport. They don't know if I just take longer to heal or is it that my body is just flat out rejecting the port. What I know for sure, I'm in a lot of pain and I'm tired of hurting. This is a BIG fat mess because I cannot get anymore picc lines in the left arm. I've had too many and that has caused my veins to narrow.
So Plan B, I would then get a different anti-viral medication called cidofvar to treat the herpes. It's administered in the HIV chemo clinic with a local IV line once a week.
Like for real, that on top of trying to heal from the trauma of getting the mediport this weekend I was sick as shit. Today is my first day even bathing since the treatment on Friday.
But I was determined not not let the solutions from this new problem of the unexpected outbreak of herpes and how they intend to treat me interfere with the solutions to my other health issues that are caused by living with AIDS I talked about in my last blog.
SO in the midst of new problems, I was working on old problems with new solutions, moving toward better.
This is what I know for sure; If I hold onto my faith, even if I can't see the better in my right now, I know that if I keep working toward better then it will get better. That's what faith is all about. Believing that it can happen, even when you can't see it. I also remember that, "Faith without works is dead." It's unlikely that you will get a job if you never apply for one. Now that's some real talk. My health ain't gonna get better if I don't seek the solutions to make it better.
What I know for sure, if I do nothing; If I stop working on better today, then better will never come tomorrow. So I keep God at God's Word and work toward better with the belief that the better I cannot see will come when I least expect it.
No matter what you are facing. Keep working toward better. You can't see how that better will happen, nor can you pinpoint the time better will occur. Don't get discouraged if better does not happen in your time. God's ways are not our ways and Gods time is not out time.. But if you keep working on better, for sure God will bless you with the better that's belongs to you.