Growing Pains...

At 51 I'm not ashamed to say that I'm still a work in progress!! I learned something new about myself everyday that I don't like! Discovery, then acceptance is the first two steps. But the real question is what are you going to do about it, that is, the thing you learned about yourself? You see it's not enough to know better, but at some point you have to replace the old with the new! The Bible says that you cannot put new wine in old bottles. At the end of the day, it's the action behind the discovery that makes us great .

So this is the deal, over the weekend I had a clash with two men that are special to me, my Pastor and Mr. Handsome. It was two totally different topics but it had the same result; it made them irritated with me.

I could on the one hand, right it all off as my freaking hormones all over the place and partly that could be true. The doctor confirmed that for me; the lack of sleep from my night sweats, thats cause by hot flashes in my sleep is what's causing my mood swings.

But that would be the easy way out, and we all know that I'm hard on myself. So another truth is that I tend to see things in black and white and that makes me overreact. The truth is, one truth don't negate another truth. Honestly, this black and white thing I got going on, is a trait of many Adult Children of Alcoholics, that I share. I remember in my early 20's Mrs. Jackson would say to me after an argument with Jesse, Jr. (We were always feuding about something or another) Mrs. Jackson would say just as calmly, "Rae it doesn't pay to be so damnn right."

For sure she had a point, because sometimes you win the battle and lose the people in the fight and for sure that's not always your intended outcome!

Now this thing about being right is relative because everyone's right has some validity. Sometimes it's a matter of respecting that everyone has a way of doing things and unless it's a total volition of you, and even if it is, it's there right. I learned that in Al- Anon, that a person has a right to make choices for their life even if you don't like the intended outcome for your life. You always have the option to move on.

The reality is that the most people don't always live with you in mind and that's not a bad thing per say. We each have to live our own lives, where we intersect then great!

Another person's way of doing and saying things isn't always meant to be mean or hurt you. A person's way of expression is just that. If you know a persons heart then that should be enough to get you pass that moment of what you are feeling.

With this said, I was reminded in both of these situations that I really need to work on some areas of my life. I keep saying that I really want to be my best me. I'm using these moments as  teaching moments and a catalyst to be a better me.

Someone who's opinion that I value said to me today, that Mr. Handsome is a shock to my system in a good way.  He is shaking things up over here. For sure he  has made me take a critical look through the lenses of which I view life; and when a person helps you to grow that's always a good thing. Pastor, well in a small but significant way, showed me that whatever I was tripping about had no validity.

Both of these men I certainly respect and are happy to have them in my life, that is without a doubt. I'm glad they have crossed my path. Even in an narrow way, I'm happy for my craziness, because it reminded me that I still have work to do on myself. At the end of the day, all we can really account for is ourselves and you must love the skin that you are in, or do something about it.