Tea With Rae: An Introduction

My Mother, Tea and a Book!

I don't quite remember when I fell in love with tea but I do remember the most special moments of me drinking tea. I was eighteen years old and I went to live with my biological mother for four months. I had just met her months earlier and it was awkward for both of us. She and her ex-husband lived a very quiet life in Boulder, Colorado. He was a professor at one of the universities and she was a housewife. After years of drug addiction and being in and out of jail, she deserved the break. I was homeless so she and her husband agreed to let me come live with them.

Tea With Milk... Just How My Mother Drank It

I was shocked to learn that they didn't own a television and spent their evenings reading. While I was in disbelief, (I mean, who doesn't own a television if they could afford one) in reality, I didn't watch much television either so reading was just fine with me. In the evenings, after dinner, my mother would put the tea kettle on and we would each grab a corner in the living room with a book in our lap and tea at our side. My mother drank her tea like the Brits with milk. I was straight up with just enough sugar that it sweetened but did not alter the flavor too much. It was a special time in my life. For one, it was the only time in my life that my mother was in a state of mind to have a healthy relationship with me. But it was an incredible joy for me to learn that my biological mother, who I had only known for months, shared my same two passions: tea and books. Each evening I would look forward to a wonderful cup of tea and a great book.

Tea At Harrods 

Over the years my love for tea has grown. I'm not sure if loving tea is one way I hold on to the joyful tea times I had each evening with my mother or not. But I can say, that it is a wonderful memory that I will always cherish.

Either way, tea always takes center stage in my life. I remember when I went to London years ago, Tea at Harrods was the first stop on my list. Yes it was fabulous and fancy, but I also got equal pleasure from drinking a wonderful blend of tea from my thermos and watching Shakespeare in the Park on a damp night. I swear I must have been British in my last life time. I spent my days sightseeing and stopping at every tea shop I encountered. When I came home guess what gifts I had for people? Yep, you guessed, tea and more tea. But of course I put the tea in a cute little Harrods tote.

Now, years later, I'm a self proclaimed tea expert. I start each day with a wonderful English Breakfast tea to get me going. As the day progresses, who knows what wonderful tea I will crown queen. But for sure, I have at least three cups of tea a day. And yes, when I can, I have tea everyday at about 3:00 P. M. I love to invite my friends over for tea and cupcakes and so far everyone thinks it’s a delightful experience. I am always in search of the best blend of tea. Yes, I’m a tea snob, I prefer loose tea but I do like some bags also. I have learned not to judge a book by it’s cover. Some bags can be quite nice. And yes again, any Diva knows, what you drink your tea out of is very important. I even boil my water in a top of the line kettle, a gift from my girlfriend Audrey.

Tea, like books, are a major part of my life. And just like with books, I find myself tweeting about it everyday. As a result, many of my followers started asking me questions about tea. If I didn't know the answer right then I went straight to the wonderful world wide web. Not only did I want the answer for them, but for myself also. 


So here I go again with yet another venture just like with my RLTReads Book Club. (By the way, in less than a month we already have 106 people.) But starting today, I have dethroned Fashion Friday for Tea With Rae. Each Friday on my blog, I will explore the best teas, the best places to have tea, the best ways to brew tea, the best tea accessories, what tea goes best with what foods, and the list goes on and on. I plan to share my passion for tea with you and you all know how I roll, nothing I do is ever boring so be prepared to go on this journey with me. Mighty Leaf Tea is one of my followers on Twitter and they have already agreed to share their product with me so I can share with my readers. I will be working hard to get other companies who make tea and tea accessories to be a part of our wonderful journey. Hopefully I can even get some things to raffle off to my wonderful readers.

The fun starts today! I am having tea at the wonderful Peninsula Hotel as a guest of one of my Twitter followers, Lesa, who is in town visiting family. I will report all the wonderful details next Friday so stay tuned to hear about the fancy. I’m hoping that other hotels and tea establishments will allow me to experience their tea time to share with you. I’m excited about my new journey! This January I will have lived with HIV for 28 years and AIDS for 20. I have spent the last 17 years sharing the most painful and private parts of my life as a way to help others. As I continue to live longer than anyone ever expected I want to share the joy that lives within. The joy that AIDS can never take away from me... Tea happens to be one of those joys.

Monday Reflection: Do Better!!!

The old saying, “When you know better, you should do better," has been floating around forever. I first heard it from Oprah who got it from Maya Angelou. People quote it often but I wonder how many of us actually put our words into action. For those who have been reading my blog you know that I have had to work at doing better, even in the face of knowing better.

It's an ongoing struggle, even for overachievers like me. It's interesting, you know in your heart when you are not living up to your own standards, but it's a hard thing to face. Then something happens that forces you to face that hard reality and it hits you like a ton of bricks. That happened to me on World AIDS Day. I hung out with Relana Johnson at her GoodGyrrl dance studio to have a candid discussion with women about dating, sex, and living healthy, and toward the end, someone asked me point blank, "So, since the name of the event here today is *do better* what advice do you have for the women to actually do better?

I started explaining to the women that at some point you have to say enough is enough and be willing to face loneliness to become the woman you can be proud of. And truly, once you make the right changes in your life, you will open yourself up for the goodness to come in. Nothing good can get through the door when the bad is blocking the way. It's like this, you're in the bathroom shitting, the door and window are closed and the poop sucks up all the oxygen. And often when we finish, we get air freshener and spray, and then it smells like air freshener and poop, trying to hide the nasty. Right? Right! It's not until you open the door and windows and let the bad stuff out, will the good stuff come in.

I submit, you've gotta be willing to take chances to get to the better. Not just with dating, but in all areas of your life. What I know for sure I learned from my mentor Rev. Jesse L. Jackson. He taught me that if you don't run you are guaranteed to lose; if you do run, you might lose. You can't let the fear of failure paralyze you from being the person God intended for you to be or interfere with your life's purpose(s). You can't see His vision, but it's a living being running though your veins and when you alter from what you know to be right, good and purposeful it interferes with God's direction for your life slowing down progress.

So today I have a renewed pledge to *do better* in all areas of my life. To get out of God's way with my selfish mortal desires and be willing to accept that the thing I want most is the thing that stunts my growth. Be willing to take chances with my brand and ministry when the vision is clear and purposeful, but the growth is slow. I must remember, God's time is not our time and if He has planted that seed in you, it will definitely grow. You just have to keep watering that thang, talk to it and give it sunlight, and watch it grow. Remember, a bamboo plant grows tall but it's not until that seventh year that it blooms right before your eyes. So I challenge you all today to make a list, check it twice, and get to work to *do better*.

World AIDS Day 2010: A Retrospective

Sixteen years ago today I appeared on the cover of Essence Magazine as the first Black woman to tell her story to a major publication. It was brave of me to tell the world that I had AIDS. Back then we saw AIDS as mostly white gay males. And if by chance a woman did have HIV, in the minds of most, she had to be an IV drug user or something close to a street walker. The idea that  a “decent” woman became infected with HIV was far fetched.

Then my story changed everything, especially for African-American women. Through my life we told women that even education, economics and a monogamous relationship did not necessarily keep you safe from HIV. It was bold for both me and Essence. Even the idea of putting a no-name woman on the cover of a magazine reserved for super models and celebrities was risk taking at it's best. But it paid off. It was one of the highest selling December issues ever and we achieved our goal. Black women across the United States started to rethink their relationships and sexual behavior. In fact, women still reach out to me to let me know that my story changed their life. I'm proud of that fact.

The cover of Essence changed my life and put me in the center of the fight against HIV/AIDS. Honestly, I had only been speaking for about six months when Susan Taylor asked me to do the cover story. Prior to that I had been living in secret and shame with HIV for about seven years. Then I made a transition to AIDS and I was staring death in the face. I started to disclose to friends and God started working out it all out. I accepted this new role for my life with transparency, grace and dignity.

I was on a mission to tell as many people my story before I died and I met this challenge with zeal. When my t-cell count was eight I was maintaining a breakneck schedule. AIDS was a sexy topic and I was at the center of it all. Eventually television came calling. The Oprah Winfrey Show.  Nightline followed me for six months and featured me three times. I even did a a series of first person news reports for CBS News Chicago that won me an Emmy.

But then things changed. I didn't die. I made it to the turning point in treatment, protease inhibitors. Things first changed in my personal life. My husband had married me to watch me die. He was gonna go around the country and talk to people about his life as my caregiver. But the longer I lived the more difficult the relationship became. He didn't know how to deal with my living. It became so bad, that I decided AIDS hadn't killed me, he wasn't going to kill me either. I found myself rethinking my life. I went to seminary and got my Master of Divinity to expand my work.  And I'm working on my PhD in Church History. I had always seen what I do as ministry.

I continued to travel and speak and the longer I lived the less sexy the topic of HIV/AIDS became. I saw a sharp shift in newly diagnosed cases of Black women and a lack of interest all at the same time. Essence hadn't been enough. But I never gave in or up. I continued to press forward and so did HIV. Black women became 72% of all new cases of HIV and AIDS became the number one killer of African-American women between the ages of 25-44.

So today I am saddened by it all. I mean it's World AIDS Day and I don't have a speaking engagement. Come on, I'm one of the most name recognizable Black women in America with AIDS and I don't have a gig today. It seems all surreal for me.

So I'm sitting here on my sofa wondering when will the tide turn. I'm wondering when will it ever get better?  When will the tide change for the better? When will the numbers decrease for African-Americans, both men and women? What will it take to make AIDS important today. Just as important as it became for white gay men in the 80's and  early 90's.
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I have no answers to these questions that others need to help answer, I can only speak for myself. I will cross every T and dot every I until the day I die. I will take my medication and live as good of a life as I possibly can until my earthly purpose is over.

I will also continue to do the work. So just because I didn't have a big fancy speaking engagement at a college accompanied by a check to help pay my bills, that's real, I'm still forging on. Still doing what I do best. Because my life and work is ministry. I will walk through whatever doors God opens for me and I will continue to do it with grace and dignity until the day I die.


My World AIDS Day Schedule...
 5:45 a.m. cst-  NBC Chicago News Interview (Live)
9:30 am cst- Fourth Presbyterian World AIDS Day Workship Sevice
12noon-1:00-cst  Twitter Chat with the Boss Network
1:00-5:00 pm (cst)  Question and Answers on Twitter and Facebook
I will be going back and fourth between the two Social Media Networks
Featured on BET.com
Featured on BET 106th and Park shows airs 5-7pm cst
7:00-9:00 pm cst  Hanging with the ladies for a discussion and Ice Cream Social at Good Gyrrl Studio
1200 W. 35th Street Lower Level Free!!! All Are Welcomed....