Prima Donna No More: Facing HIV Discrimination

It felt like he had just slapped me in the face. His words hit harder than my Mama’s worst beating. I stood there frozen with this blank stare on my face. Awkward silence filled the air. He spoke again and it snapped me back to the reality of it all. “Uh, let me go double check with the tattoo artist,” he said nervously. “OK,” slowly came out of my mouth.

 As he walked away, I began reading the consent form that he had set in front of me. When I reached number three on the form, my eyes were glued to that spot. I read it over and over and over. It did say what I thought it said: “I agree that I do not have HIV.” “But I do have HIV,” I whispered to myself. 

The guy behind the counter who was waiting on me returned and snapped me out of it yet again. “Yes miss, the tattoo artist said NO. We don’t tattoo people with HIV.” He gave me back my driver’s license, picked up the consent form and gave me this silly “I’m sorry,” he said, "I’ll shred this.” Clearly this guy had no idea who I was and frankly at that moment the rule was the rule. We DON'T tattoo people with HIV.  Rae Lewis-Thornton and all I have HIV so a name meant nothing to him at that moment. 

I turned to my friends Deidre and Jason looking like I had been crushed. I could see by the expression on their faces that they had overheard the conversation. Shame swept over me, but I whispered to them anyway, “He told me that I couldn't get the tattoo because I have HIV.”

We walked out in silence and Deidre gave me a tight hug and whispered, “I’m sorry.” Jason and I got in the car and I drove in silence. After about 5 minutes I said “J, that’s weird. I went into the tattoo parlor on 12th Street and they told me that they do tattoo people with HIV all the time.” Jason felt helpless he could see my pain, but he just didn't know and he said so. 

My mind starting racing and silence filled the air yet again. In that five minutes of silence,  Shame, Confusion, Disappointment, and then Anger built up inside of me; but Anger pushed the others to the side.

“J,” I broke the silence again, “I think they just discriminated against me.” He said hesitantly, “You’d know better than me.” Then he suggested, “Let’s call some other places and see if you can get it somewhere else. "To hell with them!" He added. That was a good idea, so we both started calling other tattoo places and asked, If a person has HIV could they get a tattoo? After calling three tattoo parlors we received the same answer, “Yes, come on in.”

Driving down Chicago's Lake Shore Drive, I became a MAD BLACK WOMAN. All of my political fight came over me. I had not lived this long with HIV to get kicked in the gut. And to think I picked this African-American owned Tattoo Polar just to patronize them. Deidre had been talking about the good work that had done on a piecing for her, so I decided to give them a try.

I felt this uneasiness inside of me and I needed to know the truth. Had they broken the law or where they just some discriminating ass-wholes? 

I called information and got the telephone number to the AIDS Legal Counsel. I told the receptionist what happened. I was then connected to a lawyer. After I described the incident, she confirmed that I had indeed been discriminated against. They had violated the Americans with Disabilities Act, Chicago Human Rights Ordinances, as well as the State of Illinois Human Rights Act.

She then asked my name. “Rae Lewis-Thornton,” I mumbled. “Excuse me?" She hollered with excitement.  "Rae Lewis-Thornton the AIDS activist?” “Yes, that would be me,” I mumbled.

“WOW!” Ann Hilton Fisher exclaimed, “You have got to file a complaint! We need you on this one.” “Are you kidding me?” I thought. She had just hit me with a curve ball that I was not ready for. She could sense my hesitation. Ann started talking again, “You know Rae, you have been a prima donna with AIDS. Everyone likes you because you are on TV and the cover of magazines. Welcome to the real world.”

This was the real world. The new discrimination is covert, small things that people take for granted every day. Like getting a tattoo or having a massage. I understood what she was saying, but it was a lot to think about. Getting that tattoo was something very personal. I didn't really want anyone to know, now I was being asked to go public. I went home and curled up on the sofa and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. It was all too overwhelming.

By 11:00 that night my head was pounding from crying and my spirit had taken a beating. I had to Man Up and face a realization that day. Being on the cover of a magazine and having an Emmy Award couldn't change the fact that I have been discriminated against, just like many other people living with HIV/AIDS.

This is still a reality in the 21st century. It was my reality just a few years ago. But somewhere between mourning the prima donna, and wallowing in self pity, super woman kicked in. I picked up the phone and called Jason, “Hey, let’s go to Jade Dragon.” “Tonight?” he asked? “Yes, tonight! I am not going to let them win. We made our we to the other tattoo parlor and Jason held my hand. Midway, the pain was so great I wanted to quit, but now I needed to prove a point.

The next morning me and my sore backside made it to AIDS Legal Council and began the process of filling a complain. They had messed with the wrong person. I was mad as hell!   When I walked out of the law office that afternoon I was so proud of myself and I wanted to tell all my friends. As the day went on, my bubble started to burst. So it seemed that many of my friends thought I was in the wrong to file the complain. "Well Rae, blood is present when you get a tattoo," was all  that I heard, all day long.

I started to feel isolated....

To Be Continued :)

RLT Collection is Evolving! #GrowingRLTCollection

Taken For Heart and Sole Magazine

I've been asked over and again to design necklaces for RLT Collection While I'm certainly capable, I didn't want to take away from my absolute gift and expertise of bracelets; but time has a way of changing things. 

I had already decided to add 3-5 one of a kind necklaces s to my Fall/Winter Collection (Going to the photographer this week) *fingers crossed*  The necklaces will be simple but drawing from the gemstones in each collection. I am also introducing a line of Pearl Necklaces- Integrity. Yes Pearls stand for integrity. 

In the meantime, I was asked to design an AIDS Awareness Necklace for an organization who wanted to give them as gifts. In the past, I've designed an AIDS Awareness Bracelet for them and being a great customer, I didn't want to turn them down.

Well, RLT Collection is evolving! I loved the necklace design I created for them so much, I decided to add a similar one to my collection. 

With the Fall/Winter Bracelet Collections I'm drawing on the metaphysical meaning of gemstones so I decided to start with my AIDS Awareness Necklace.

Introducing Spiritual AIDS Awareness Necklace. There are two designs. One with a little bling and one with a lot of bling. 

 So Let Me Explain What They Mean!

Red is the color of HIV/AIDS Awareness! Red is the color of power, and for sure, it is the color of blood; which has a strong symbolism of life and vitality. It brings focus to the essence of life and living with emphasis on survival.

Coral will give strength and willingness to meet challenges and critical situations. Coral is also good for spiritual balance in jewelry.

Quartz is the most powerful, versatile multi-purpose healing stone, particularly regarding self esteem.

Quartz will not allow you to wallow in self-pity over from those things you can not change! t amplifies the energy of all other stones and increases your emotional energy.

This stone amplifies prayers, wishes and positive visualizations. Quartz keeps you in touch with your spiritual side, and reminds you that you are a spiritual being, having a human experience.

RLT has combined these natural elements to gain the metaphysical properties of Coral and Quart Gemstones.. This necklace has a red Coral chuck pendent. Each Coral chuck is different and has natural inclusions.

For the ultimate Diva, it is paired with an red pave' crystal ADS Awareness ribbon, encamped in sterling silver. They both dangle from a leather cord.

The back closes with a black crystal claps and a perfect, faceted 10 mm round Quartz Gemstone. RLT combines sterling silver, copper and gold filled metals in this design.  Check them out HERE!

I've done my best to keep both necklaces affordable, but don't forget that Sterling Silver is at a high price point right now. And some of the other jewelry designers that make these type of necklaces like Sundance charge from  $150-$495 for a creation similar. I hope that you will support my necklace venture. I've been wearing the Diva Necklace since I made it on Monday. Bling Baby!

The Familiar is Within You...

Woo it's me! Yep that was me last week. I seemed to be stuck in this funk. Well sort of but not quite totally. There was always something to keep me from going over the edge. Something inside of me that said you are stronger than this, You are better than this. You are bigger than this. But I sure had my moments and I had a lot of them.

Now don't be confuse, I had more than enough reason to just get in bed, turn off the lights and pull the cover over my head. My health was doing the most to the tenth power! Like #ForReal #ForReal When I got this new herpes infection now almost a month ago I had only been off IV medication for about a month. Right after I got off that round of IV med's my Neuropathy flared up and the nerve pain in my back and legs shut me down. Then when that got better, I got a cold from hell that turned into bronchitis and then when that got better, I literary looked down there and herpes had joined the party yet again.

It was a big decision getting the mediport. It made the herpes seem permanent. In the four years me and my doctor kept hoping that somehow, someway we would get a handle on this. But sadly, nothing she could think of medically would stop the herpes from having a feasting party on my vulva 3-4 times a year. Nothing she thought of medically would make it go away except IV Foscrant. The overall conclusion: the damage done to my immune system in those early days of AIDS will not allow my body to fight herpes back.

And while herpes is a separate viral infection from HIV, if I didn't have AIDS, I wouldn't have herpes this bad. And to top it off, it made no sense at all medically that herpes would start to behave like this now that HIV is under control. My viral load is non- detectable and my t-cell count stays in the high 500-600 range. The fact is, the herpes from hell only came after my viral load was non-detectable, which could have been a by product of what we call, "Immune Reconstitution." Some people with HIV, after getting an immune boost from the HIV medication have some infection that is the long holdout and fights the immune system back.

A Week Supply of IV Foscarnet

So this has become a way of life for me. A thorn in my flesh that seems to not be going away. This shit is the infection from hell and the IV Forecast is a blessing and a curse all in one bag. The way this medication makes me feel some days I just want to quit! That's real talk!

For sure this drug resistant herpes jacks me up both physically and emotionally. So getting the mediport made herpes permanent. You see, I wouldn't need the mediport if I didn't need to receive treatment for the herpes.

But I did it; I made the best medical decision I could for my well-being. The mediport would make receiving IV Foscarnet easier. And what should have been a simple medical procedure became a production. The day after the procedure I felt like I had been hit by a Mack truck I was more bet up than what I was told I should be. And sure enough, it turned out to be some infection, either in the mediport or in the area of the mediport. Now how the hell I got that is beyond me. I then started an aggressive round of antibiotics. I then had to get yet another picc line because by now the herpes had gone untreated for 3 weeks and I wanted to cut my vulva out of my body from the pain alone.

The picc line was a production! No Joke! After an hour and twenty minutes of what should have been a thirty minute procedure they decided that I had so much scaring and my veins had narrowed so much from all the picc lines they couldn't get a line in. So, in a matter of seconds the doctor decided to do angioplasty on my vein and the anesthesia was the nurse holding my hand. No Joke Y'all.

Go on and say it!! Ima Bad Bitch!! I have a crazy herpes infection between my legs, I have an infected mediport both which is causing pain beyound my understanding and they bust through my veins with no anesthesia. Shit, it's a wonder that I didn't just come home and pull the covers over my head.

So my last two weeks was more than enough to break the spirit of the average person. But that's the key right there. I forgot that I am not average. That God designed me to withstand whatever comes my way.

Remember Job, God told Satan to shoot his best shot! God told Satan, do whatever you think you can to make Job quit, but just don't take him out. God knew that Job could take it because God is the architect of Job's design; from head to toe, from heart to mind. Isn't it interesting that God created one type of fish for fresh water and another for salt water and some for both?

And don't you know we are no different? I spent 6 months in my mothers womb sucking an umbilical cord laced in heroine. I weighed 3 pounds and stayed in an incubator for a month in 1962 before we knew what drug babies were. I came out of my mothers womb dripped in heroine.

Now how God gonna make me up to withstand all of that, just to see His creation torn to the ground? I must remember that I am wonderfully designed by God to withstand whatever comes my way. As long as I am breathing, I am still a part of God's earthly plan and need to carry on accordingly.

It is true, that God wouldn't put more on you than you can bear. Do you really think that your Father would abuse you? And to even suggest that whatever you are facing is out of your league, is to suggest that God don't know His child. God is the best parent any person could ever have. Don't be confused, God's Grace was built into your make-up.

God built you to walk, but He will never let you walk alone. Even though sometimes it may seem that way, I promise you that God has got you in ways you can't even see or image. While you are built to survive your journey, you have a two fold blessing, you are not walking alone. God didn't even bother with Paul's whining about His thorn, He simply said, "My Grace is Sufficient." Translation, just carry on Paul, I got this...

I understand this whole heartily and I'm working on balance. Going through it legit! I tell people all the time, don't ever minimize someone else's pain because only God knows what they can take or not take. All you really know is what you can take and what you think they should be able to take. p.s.... Stop trying to make people be you.

 The thing is, when we go through new territory we get nervous. It's like driving at night on an unfamiliar road. Even with directions or a GPS there becomes an anxiousness that you can't quash until you can see some light, some sign of life, something familiar. All these back to back hits, not getting a break is new for me. I'm use to being down than up, but to just take hit after hit is new territory for me. I'm learning to adjust to this newness as best as I can.

Until then, when I seem lost, I have to remember that the familiar is within me designed by God nine months before May 22, 1962; That God created me for this journey that is uniquely mine no matter what shape or form it takes. Remember that today... The familiar is within you designed the moment the sperm joined with the egg. Seek within to stand without...