And while herpes is a separate viral infection from HIV, if I didn't have AIDS, I wouldn't have herpes this bad. And to top it off, it made no sense at all medically that herpes would start to behave like this now that HIV is under control. My viral load is non- detectable and my t-cell count stays in the high 500-600 range. The fact is, the herpes from hell only came after my viral load was non-detectable, which could have been a by product of what we call, "Immune Reconstitution." Some people with HIV, after getting an immune boost from the HIV medication have some infection that is the long holdout and fights the immune system back.
|A Week Supply of IV Foscarnet|
For sure this drug resistant herpes jacks me up both physically and emotionally. So getting the mediport made herpes permanent. You see, I wouldn't need the mediport if I didn't need to receive treatment for the herpes.
But I did it; I made the best medical decision I could for my well-being. The mediport would make receiving IV Foscarnet easier. And what should have been a simple medical procedure became a production. The day after the procedure I felt like I had been hit by a Mack truck I was more bet up than what I was told I should be. And sure enough, it turned out to be some infection, either in the mediport or in the area of the mediport. Now how the hell I got that is beyond me. I then started an aggressive round of antibiotics. I then had to get yet another picc line because by now the herpes had gone untreated for 3 weeks and I wanted to cut my vulva out of my body from the pain alone.
Go on and say it!! Ima Bad Bitch!! I have a crazy herpes infection between my legs, I have an infected mediport both which is causing pain beyound my understanding and they bust through my veins with no anesthesia. Shit, it's a wonder that I didn't just come home and pull the covers over my head.
Remember Job, God told Satan to shoot his best shot! God told Satan, do whatever you think you can to make Job quit, but just don't take him out. God knew that Job could take it because God is the architect of Job's design; from head to toe, from heart to mind. Isn't it interesting that God created one type of fish for fresh water and another for salt water and some for both?
Now how God gonna make me up to withstand all of that, just to see His creation torn to the ground? I must remember that I am wonderfully designed by God to withstand whatever comes my way. As long as I am breathing, I am still a part of God's earthly plan and need to carry on accordingly.
God built you to walk, but He will never let you walk alone. Even though sometimes it may seem that way, I promise you that God has got you in ways you can't even see or image. While you are built to survive your journey, you have a two fold blessing, you are not walking alone. God didn't even bother with Paul's whining about His thorn, He simply said, "My Grace is Sufficient." Translation, just carry on Paul, I got this...
I understand this whole heartily and I'm working on balance. Going through it legit! I tell people all the time, don't ever minimize someone else's pain because only God knows what they can take or not take. All you really know is what you can take and what you think they should be able to take. p.s.... Stop trying to make people be you.
Until then, when I seem lost, I have to remember that the familiar is within me designed by God nine months before May 22, 1962; That God created me for this journey that is uniquely mine no matter what shape or form it takes. Remember that today... The familiar is within you designed the moment the sperm joined with the egg. Seek within to stand without...