But it hit me, what I really needed to fight back was this cloud of darkness that was infecting my very being. I knew I needed to do something, or I wouldn't get out of this bed today. I knew I needed to do something because everyone that encountered me today would be affected by my infection and it wouldn't be pretty. You see, I understand the saying, hurt people hurt. Sometimes they do it intentionally and other times unintentionally, but they do it nonetheless.
Water hitting your body is like God speaking to you, saying, "Can't you feel this blessing of life?" And in that moment, I began to thank God for my life rather then ask how come. There is victory in praise. Praise defeats the devil at his core. You see the devil only comes to seek and destroy, his intent is to render questions, not praise. So when you praise, you fight him at his core. And let me say this. You don't have to scream and holler to praise. Just an acknowledgment in your spirit that you are because God is... is enough.
Now don't get me wrong. None of this really took my sadness away or the things that are causing my sadness. But it did give me perspective. Enough perspective to fight for my spirit in the depth of my pain.
For the last 5 months I've woken each morning and have gone to bed each night with some sort of physical pain that has required a strong pain medication. Physical Pain will drive you mad... While the doctors are trying to get a handle on the AIDS related infections that are causing my physical pain. I must continue to get a handle on the emotional pain or it will kill me quicker than the physical pain.
So today I fight for my spirit with what I have, praise, a shower and Captain Crunch. What am I saying? That thing that you are struggling with may take time to defeat so in the meantime, use what God has put in front of you to fight back. Stop looking for the miracle to fall out of the sky when it's all around you.
Oh Yes... Tea is next on my agenda.