Now don't get it confused, I understand that being alive is a blessing and actually its half the ball game. But when you keep getting hit you almost want to say, are you up there God? Did you forget about me? Is this some freaking test and if so when do you plan to end it all? I was starting to feel a bit like Job. Let's see how much Rae Rae can take. Don't kill her, but make her feel it.
I thought that I was gonna lose my mind this week, between the nerve pain in my hands and feet, to the point where walking actually hurts and at points throughout the day using my hands is difficult, even holding Sophie's chain makes my hand tingle and go numb, to a kick ass sinus infection, to this freaking Herpes infection that seems to have set up right smack back on my clit yet again, only three weeks off IV medication.
Yep I said it, ain't no point in being ashamed it's way too late for that. Having drug resistant herpes combined with an impaired immune system is no joke; It's worst than having roaches. Every time you think they gone and you start to relax, you see that nasty pest running across your kitchen floor. And don't act like you never lived in a place with roaches, but you better be glad you don't have herpes. #ForReal So this week I couldn't muster up enough of nothing and was feeling a tad abandoned.
I was e-mailing a friend and I mentioned how sad it was that the Martian Luther King Memorial dedication was canceled and all that money and hopes were lost. I said, Mother Nature can come hard sometimes and then it hit me. What God told Job, "Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge? I will question you and you will declare to me. Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth. Tell me if you have understanding. Who determined it's measurements--surly you know?" (Gen 38:2-3)
God told Job to man up and in the end, that's exactly what he did, Job says, "I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted." (Gen 42:1-2)
I get it! No need to ask God did He forget me; His memory is longer and wider than measurements themselves. No need to ask God why; Even if He were to explain, I wouldn't understand the plan. God's plans are far greater than anything we can ever conjure up in our head. Like Mother Nature all we can do is go along for the ride. Embrace the changing seasons with grace and understanding that God's wonders never cease. There is hope in God's wonders, for it reminds me that He never fails or falter, just keep on holding on and see what the end is going to be.