I'm neither of those right now. I guess I'm sort of numb having to face another round of IV medication.
You heard me right! Tomorrow I go to the hospital to get the picc line in my arm and on Wednesday I start IV medication yet again to treat herpes that is resistant to oral medication. This is round 13 in three years. You can read the back ground on this HERE.
I've decided to not allow "it" to consume all of my emotions one way or the other all of the time. It is what it is and I cannot change a thing. I've been down this road many times and I cannot allow how I feel today effect my tomorrow. Today I'm neutral. I will accept it for what it is and face tomorrow when it comes. Often times we get so ahead of ourselves that we miss out on the right now.
If you are so caught up in the pain that will happen, you miss the joy and the peace that is happening in the moment. So I will not get ahead of myself. Yes, I have a lot of experience with this IV treatment and it is hard, very hard. Two times a day for two hours of aggressive medication with a host of crazy side effects, diarrhea, nausea and fatigue is no joke.
But at this moment, I'm sitting in my living room with Sophie, enjoying my Christmas Tree. I'm learning to appreciate the right now moments in my life.
As you go into this Holiday week. Stop worrying about what didn't happen: Who you won't see, What you won't get or give, What family member you miss because of death, and enjoy the right now of your life. I know it will be hard for some of us, but I will be right there with you, reminding myself every step of the way that there is goodness in the moments of the right now, tomorrow will unfold on tomorrow, so don't let the anticipation of tomorrow consume the goodness of today.