Here's the Comment...
my husband and i were sitting here laughing at your story bout how you want a man, seriously doe...and he said that you need to seal that nasty pussy off for good! for real doe, nobody will take you seriously, and only a crazy man would accept that funky thang girl! thats fo real, but keep on postin yo biz if it makes u feel better an dont be mad when i post back. feel sorry for u honey your life seems to sux
I am not ashamed of one part of me, not my face, or my vagina. Are we still living in the dark ages? I know some of you will say, it's just her, the one that made the comment. I should ignore her. She's small; yes she and her husband are small. They seem like a perfect match. #ForReal. But at the end of the day, all it takes is for one small person to sling hate to make it OK and if we stay silent in the face of hate before you know it, Hitler is ruling. If I weren't so mad I would cry.
The shame we feel is insurmountable. To know that you have this infection inside of you, this health condition that people despise and you can't get rid of is a heavy load to carry daily. The fear of rejection and judgments is like a cast iron skillet lying on your heart.
I cried for my girlfriend Wunadra, a doctor herself, who was too ashamed to allow her colleagues to see her take her medication. Who never told her pastor, although she and her husband who is negative, were leaders in the church. The shame killed her. Inconsistency in her treatment because of fear of being found out, made her HIV resistant and aggressive and that killed her.
I cried for my best friend from high school Tory who was too ashamed to disclose his HIV status, he would wear baggy clothes in public and pee in a jar at night so his roommate wouldn't see how thin he had become. AIDS ravaged his body and the shame kept him so isolated that he didn't seek help. When they took him to the hospital there were jars of urine under the bed. We all learned his HIV status when he was hospitalized and he died a week later. I promised him on his death bed that I would give him voice through my story until the day I die.
Markeeda said that people have said worst things to me on this blog and they have.
This comment took me back to everything I thought those first years that I learned that I had HIV. No one would want me. No one should want me! Who would hire me? What would people think of me? Will they see me as a whore? Will all my RESPECTABILITY go out the window with HIV? I knew if Mama learned that I had HIV it would serve as more fuel for her denial. Instead of addressing the fact that her husband was a sick pervert, I would continue to be the whore in her mind. All of these things made me guard my health condition with my life and all the energy I could muster up. I spent more energy guarding my secret, rather than learning about HIV and what was happening to me. I wouldn't dare read an article on HIV for fear that someone would think I had HIV from just reading about it.
This is the attitude that isolates people with HIV. It also undergirds misinformation and misunderstanding about HIV. Men in Africa who think they can "Cleanse" themselves if they rape a virgin baby girl. In the US things are not that much different. In the South were the numbers have surged, there is still so much misunderstanding. People are isolated in their own families, churches and community.
If you think I don't have the right to date that's one thing, but to tell me I'm nasty is another thing. To say only a crazy man would date me, is to suggest because I have HIV no one should love me or want to be with me; and by the way, with advancements in treatment for HIV/AIDS, it's about a 2% chance that a person will become infected if their partner is on HIV medication and their Viral Load is non-detectable. It's those people who don't know their status that drive the infection rate higher.
This is also one reason people don't go get tested for HIV. Who would want to know their HIV status when people feel this way about people with HIV? Its like a life of doom in people's minds. Having to deal with the day-to-day of the illness, then turn around and deal with the attitudes of people while trying to care for yourself at the same time is over load.
The fact that people don't go get tested, only drives the infection rate up. Be clear, this is a problem in the African-American community. We are 53% of all HIV cases in the United States and only 13% of the population. About 38% of all newly diagnosed cases of HIV, are people infected by people that don't know their HIV status.
Robert, a minister himself, said after I read this comment to him, that he bet she is in someone's church this morning and I wouldn't doubt it.
The kind of judgments and the way they are presented on this blog to me are mind blowing and often it's from someone who is setting me straight in the name of Jesus. Jesus was all about love, LOVE! Jesus never turned anyone away. NOT ONE! The woman caught in adultery, the woman that anointed His feet with oil, the thief dying on the cross, Jesus extended himself without judgments. He didn't tell the thief you gotta promise you ain't gonna sin no more, he simply said, "Today you shall be with me in paradise." That's so powerful, POWERFUL! And it's our example, even in dying He left us an example on how to treat people.
When are we going to GET IT? My father in ministry Rev. Clay Evans use to say, "Don't be so heavenly bound you are no earthly good." When are we going to get it? We are our brother/sisters keeper? When did the African-American community become so cold and selfish? When did the Black Church become about how much we can get from God, rather than how much we can give to God's people?
Faced with the Law in front of him, Jesus gave TWO commandments, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with your soul and with your mind. The Message translation says, "With all your passion and prayer and intelligence."
This is the first of the greatest commandant. And the second is like it, "Love your neighbor as yourself." Message translation says, "Love thy neighbor as well as yourself." (Matthew 23:34-39)
When are we really gonna start living the Word over and above getting people straight on the Word? When are we going to become that village again that we once were? Does your family member live with HIV in isolation? Is your family and home an environment that permits them to talk about their status? Do you know their T-Cell count and Viral Load? Why haven't you asked? Do you know how many pills they take? I bet if they had any other medication condition you would inquire and be as supportive as you can. We either get silence on the one hand, or ugly on the other. This isolation is a death sentence, not AIDS.
I've had enough of the ugly and I will no longer brush it off. I will tackle it head own. The Hitler's of this world must be STOPPED! When are we going to be the CHANGE? #IcanntdoitAlone Together WE can be the Change! It starts in our hearts and flows to our family, home, churches and organizations...