It's an exciting thing when you can let your guards down with a man and can go from God to Sex in a conversation and not miss a beat. It's a good thing when you are mature enough to share your past and the hopes for your future without judgments.
But many people don't let their guards down and share the most important parts of their life or their desires, for fear of rejection. Lawdddd Lawd, who wants to jack up the flow of the newness with the pesky details of condoms, one's last HIV test and their STD history. Like, I bet you know what his favorite position is when he's doing that thang, but do you know how he feels about condoms?
So I know what it's like to interrupt the flow of newness with the pesky details that no one wants to talk about. Those details that might cause judgments that leads to rejection. That's a hard one, for real... for real. But I think the lack of pesky details can in the end be far more costly if you don't fill in the blanks up front.
He already knew that I have AIDS and knows a lot about HIV so we only needed to talk about a few minor details, which really made me happy. He is so cool about my HIV Status and shit he just wanted to know if I knew how to put a condom on with my mouth... LMAOOOO, no but you bet I will learn.
So the flow was great...All day! Then it hit me, the pesky details. I know he reads my blog so my first assumption was that maybe he had read "it" already. The pesky details of my having herpes. But honestly, living in the grey areas of an assumption is being dishonest and it's not honorable.
|Week of IV Med's|
So I waited for his response. I didn't filll that moment of silence with chatter. I waited... Waited for him to tell me what was acceptable for him with the understanding that each of us have to make the best decisions for their life and body. At the end of the day, I have to be a woman and accept it.
I was thinking about this today because a lot of you are getting ready to start the school year. You will meet men that excite the fuck out of you.
But then there are the pesky details. The pesky details must not get lost in the excitement. In the 21st century you need more information than his favorite color or what position he likes to fuck. And while the Auntie in me would prefer that you focus on the books and not that man, I understand that is not always reality.
You can lose your dignity and self-worth in a relationship that does not allow your value to shine bright. And equally worst, you may be left fighting for your life, for the rest of your life... And there is no man worth your life.
I don't give a fuck how wet you are between your legs or how he makes you feel, if you have not had the honest conversations then you are living in half-truths and your relationship is a lie.
I want you to live your best life and any man that you meet, should want you to do so too. No matter how he makes you feel, I promise you that the best feelings are in the pesky details.
Good Luck this Semester! Study hard in those books and not on the dick *Auntie voice*
Post Script: This is the first in my Back To School Series...