But sometimes the going down is so hard that the coming back up is even harder. Can I talk to some real folks? This life can be a bitch with a capital B! For Real.. For Real... And there ain't a positive thinking quote that can make it better and the best scriptures go in one ear and come right out the other.
And all those people who want you to be better like right now, only takes you into to a deeper depression. They want a miracle for you and there becomes a guilt within because you can't deliver what they want at that moment in time. The bounce back seems so far away, if not impossible. Yet deep in your heart you know that its possible; the bounce back that is.
Can I talk to some real folks, with some real life issues? Depression is real for people living with HIV/AIDS. Bullshit ain't nothing! No matter how well put together I am when I face the public, there are no clothes or makeup that can take away the emotional pain, and even the physical chaos that I live with daily.
I'm always amazed at the HIV infected person that says HIV changed their life for the better. I wonder what pills they are taking because there ain't shit about HIV that made my life better
I had a life and career before HIV/AIDS. That's for real. I didn't stop using drugs and alcohol when I learned my status because I didn't drink or do drugs before I became infected. And hell naw, HIV didn't stop me from lovin men or wanting men to love me. Nor did it stop me from fucking. My journey and healing with men would have happened with or without HIV in my own time and space.
Yes, I've made the best out of my situation. Yes, God has blessed me in my mess. I won't deny either of these things. But when a cold every normal person has, becomes a major production in my life, I know that I know, ain't nothin easy about HIV/AIDS. When disappointment and betrayal happens in my life and the stress from it lands me on IV medication for 19 days, I know that I know ain't nothin easy about HIV/AIDS. When I wake up after 12 hours of sleep and it feels like I haven't been to sleep at all, I know that I know, ain't nothing easy about HIV/AIDS. When nerve pain becomes my constant companion, I know that I know, ain't nothin easy about HIV/AIDS. But when all this happens within a two month time, I know for sure this bitch is a motherfucker to contend with; and honestly it all gets the best of me sometimes.
This is some real talk right now! And don't be confuse, I don't have to kill myself, all I have to do is stop taking my medication and watch myself slowly die a horrible death. That's for real. Don't get it twisted, I have advance AIDS and those 15 pills a day are my life line.
|The 1962 Bracelet Is Coming!|
They say some of our most creative people went through bouts of depression from composers to artist. So like many other creative people, in my darkness I make a way for the light to shine bright. It shines bright on the wrist of each person who wears my designs; and watching God grow RLT Collection one bracelet and one customer at a time, is more than enough to bounce back.
For every damn good reason I want to quit life, there is a pretty damn good reason to live in my life, so I find the way to bounce back and see what the end is going to be.
What I know for sure is simple: Keep bouncing back, no matter how hard the drop and watch God blow your mind on the way up!