Now it may not be the same exact situation, but it has the same outcome one way or the other, unhappy, stressed, de-valued, and disrespected. But yet you seem to be stuck. Yep, you don't like how he makes you feel. Well, if the truth be told, there is something about him/her that you like, but at the end of the day, the bad makes you feel really mad and when you are feeling bad you cannot feel the good, but yet you stay stuck.
You know better, but you just can't get to that place where you can do better. You are paralyzed by the fear of the unknown. If you go, will you find someone else? How will my life change? And of course, if I just keep holding on, he/she will do better. So you sacrifice you doing better, with a hope and prayer that he/she will do better, but in the end, they proved to be the person they showed you they were months ago.
You know better, but you don't do better. Yep, you go into a relationship that you know from the very start is a lose, lose situation. They have a girlfriend/boyfriend or they are married, but you just keep on texting, Facebooking and Tweeting them all day long. Hum huh, you know that shit is wrong but you explain it away.
Yep, you make excuses for it rather than take ownership for the fact that you are disrespecting and hurting the other woman/men and yourself. Yes, this is disrespecting and hurting you too, because you have decided from the beginning that sharing and all the drama with sharing is OK. Sharing is never OK! Sharing de-values the person that God intended for you to be.
Not only that, you are setting yourself up for failure. Do you really believe that getting with someone that has someone will be good for anyone involved? And don't the Bible say to treat people how you want to be treated? I can't imagine that you want to be treated this way. Then in the end, if they cheat with you, won't they cheat on you with someone else?
I know this isn't my typical Monday Reflection, but I go where I'm led. This morning I got a tweet from a college student that heard me speak two weeks ago. She was working through her relationship with "him" based on some of the things I had to say to the young women about self-love. So here I am talking about being the best you, that you can be.
Can we have some real talk on today's Monday Reflection? I ain't even gonna lie, been there, done that. All of the above, knowing that shit was wrong from the get go. Knowing that I wasn't lovin me in the best ways that I can love me. I was so caught up, you couldn't tell me shit. That man made my cooichie jump and my heart patter and in the end I thought that made it ok. Yep, I even had the nerve to justify my madness. And don't you think HIV has stopped one thing. Over the years, I have had more men who wanted to get "some" than wanted to be in a relationship with me. I had to STOP the madness; Cause as long as I was willing to open my legs, they were willing to dive in.
Yep, knowing better don't always mean that we do better. You know he told you he didn't want a relationship, but you kept hoping that if you laid it on him every chance you got that it would change his mind. So you keep giving the best of you. Yep, just wasting your pretty and de-valuing your worth with the hope and prayer that he will want you in the ways that you want him. But in fact, if he really valued you and not just your pussy, then he would have NEVER asked you to de-value yourself.
Self Love should ALWAYS be your first love. You cannot depend on a man to love you more than you love yourself. Nor should you be willing to sacrifice all the beauty that God has given you for another.
I'm laying it on the line! I know what its like to be lonely. I know what its like to want a "particular" man more than you want to breath. I know what its like to want to be touched and to have companionship.
But I also know what its like to have that empty feeling when the sex is over and he's gone home. I know what its like to wait on a man to call and then waiting for him to love you the way you deserve to be loved.
I also know that God wants me to be the best person that I can be; To value and respect not only my own life but the lives of others.
Fighting, Fussing, Cussing, Waiting and Wanting is NOT what God intend for our lives, not today, nor tomorrow. Nor is it your best you!
The question is, when are you going to give the best you a chance to thrive? When are you going to put yourself first over wanting and needing a man in your life? It has taken me almost 50 years to get to this place of true self-love. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it. Putting me first has been one of the BEST things that I have ever done for myself. I can look in the mirror and feel good about the person looking back at me. I can even love her more and like her a lot.
Today, I know for sure, that I know, that I know, that I know, there is no man worth my self-worth! It has been one of the best things I could have done for myself, that is, put me first; When I meet a new man and it becomes clear that he adds more chaos than value, then I keep it moving. Doing better requires work, but I promise you, it's less sleepless nights and less heartache. When you de-value yourself, you attract people that will also de-value you.
In the end self-love will attract the partner in your life that values and wants the best for you.